Bacon Gift Box: Propose To Her Your Way

Culture By on Jun 6, 2013

Bacon Gift Box

So your woman wants marriage. OK, we can do this. But if she gets a lifetime of commitment together, you get to choose how that roller coaster ride begins. And we say you begin it with bacon. Ditch the diamond ring and show your lady you care enough to send the very best: a beautiful black box stuffed with Oscar Mayer original bacon strips. Besides 18-20 pieces of pure joy, she’ll also get a stainless steel money clip (which now, since you didn’t buy that silly ring, can actually be used to hold money), and a “personal expression of your passion on elegant cardstock.” The Bacon Gift Box is just $22. Her love, however, is priceless.

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Kobe Red: Beer-Fed Jerky Tastes Like Victory

Culture By on May 21, 2013

Kobe Red

Move over pork rinds, there’s a new Manliest Snack in Town. Kobe Red ($7 and up) is jerky made from organic Japanese Kobe beef, considered perhaps the finest in the world. But the real rub here is that these Kobe cows are all beer fed. That’s right, while you’re drinking Mr. Pibb, these cows are chugging Heineken (we use that term and brand loosely here; could also be PBR). The result is chilled out cattle, and chilled out cattle are usually pretty cool with being turned into succulent strips of jerky. Try the Brown Sugar-Lemongrass.

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Mantry: It’s My Snack In A Box

Culture By on Apr 24, 2013

Mantry

Just when it was finally becoming mainstream for men to get into cooking, some jerk coined the term “foodie” and scared away 74.8% of the heterosexuals. None of us wanna be called that ridiculous term, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want top-shelf eats in our iceboxes. Mantry is a food-of-the-month club that makes grub-loving cool again by delivering a batch of random artisanal foods to your doorstep in a sexy handmade wooden crate.  For $75 a month you receive edible gems like BBQ sauce brewed in Alabama, bison jerky out of Montana, and hand-harvested birch syrup from snowy Alaska. Eat it. Just eat it.

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The Original Baconkit: Start Makin’ Bacon, Never Stop

Culture By on Mar 28, 2013

Baconkit

Now that we’ve heard of every possible bacon-related product possible, now, NOW somebody finally invents a way to make your own. The Original Baconkit ($17) contains everything you need to make 5 lbs of delicious homemade bacon. Just get your butcher to hook you up with a pork belly (you might have to bat your eyelashes a few times) and you’ll be on your way to legendary man status. And all these years you thought magic sprinkles were required to make bacon–ha! Nope. All you need is the curing bag, cure, maple sugar, thermometer, and instruction sheet. It’s all included.

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Gourmet Sriracha Salt: Pour Out A Little Sexy

Culture By on Mar 13, 2013

Gourmet Sriracha Salt

In the hood they pour out a little liquor for their dead homies, but what do you do when you just wanna salute the sexy women of the world who are still six feet above? As of now, nothing. But I’m hereby proclaiming we start pouring out some Gourmet Sriracha Salt. Sprinkle it over popcorn, baked potatoes, eggs, grilled fish, and anything else that calls for the zesty blend of organic granulated garlic and organic cayenne pepper. It’s hand-made in small batches by Randy Clemens, author of “The Sriracha Cookbook”. Here’s to Kate Upton.

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DoubleKick Caffeinated Hot Sauce: Wake Your Buds And Brain At Once

Culture By on Feb 13, 2013

DoubleKick Caffeinated Hot Sauce

Lots of hot sauces wake your taste buds up from their homogenized-food slumber, but none of them wake up your brain. Well, none of them until now. DoubleKick Caffeinated Hot Sauce ($10) combines the best of Asian and Southwestern chili sauces, and then piles on with ginger and caffeine. You get 12 mg of it per teaspoon. By comparison, one bottle of 5 Hour Energy is believed to contain about 200 mg of caffeine. What does this mean to you? We’re not sure. But we do know that if you dab some DoubleKick sauce on your burger and wash it down with a 5 Hour Energy, you will almost be able to stay awake for the entire Academy Awards broadcast.

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Edible Chocolate Candy Gears: Eat The Machine

Culture By on Feb 6, 2013

Edible Chocolate Candy Gears

There are some guys who loved PE, some who loved recess, and some who actually found Algebra to be compelling. But all of us had a soft spot for shop class. Even if you weren’t a wiz with the table saw, there was still a certain thrill in seeing how many fingers Mr. Jensen would be bringing back each September. Celebrate all things machinery with these Edible Chocolate Candy Gears ($42.50). The uncanny resemblances to the real things are made all the more impressive when you learn that the candy is made with fair trade organic chocolate, certified organic flavorings, and organic starches. Hey, maybe you can even swing by the old school and give some to Mr. Jensen. He’ll probably give you a high three when he sees you.

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Instant Regret Peanut Butter

Culture By on Dec 11, 2012

instant-regret-peanut-butter

A bad heroin trip in a London brothel, sure, that’s regrettable; but peanut butter? Instant Regret Offensively Hot Peanut Butter ($12) aims to bring the feeling of remorse to a whole new arena with this nutty, spreadable lava. Made with King Naga peppers and Habaneros, your jelly simply ain’t ready for this stuff, which clocks in at 12 million Scoville heat units. Then again, how does one really determine the readiness of jelly?

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