Much safer than an actual dragon, the BBQ Dragon ($40) resists the overly macho urge to blow flames and instead blows a steady stream of low-velocity cool air that magically starts your charcoal fire faster than a chimney and without any lighter fluid. The fire gets the oxygen in a hurry so it can burn hotter and quicker, which means you don’t have to wait one minute longer than necessary for your precious charred animal flesh. We hear version 2 of the Dragon will talk like Sean Connery.
Top 3 Reasons Country Livin’ Beats City Livin’
1) Running over something and killing it is legal in the country.
2) Sister shmister! I love her and that’s all that matters!
3) You can’t grill in an apartm–WHOA! Hold on! The Bruce Handrail Grill ($77) by designer Henrick Drecker makes this a much closer race now, as this slick invention combines the function of a small grill with the principle of a flower pot. Just toss those plants over the side and hang this meat-toaster on the handrail instead.
Little known presidential fact: When President George W. Bush told the military to smoke Al Qaeda out of their caves in 2001, he also suggested they use mirrors, but time constraints forced him to cut that portion of the speech out. Instead of smoking things out, the home grill master looks to smoke things in–like flavor. This Bourbon Barrel Grill Wood ($14) delivers taste in abundance to whatever you’re cooking, as they’re the same blocks used to smoke the company’s salt, sugar, and spices.
It appears that we’re safe (for now) from killer robots, so we might as well make them do some stuff for us. First on the priority list: cleaning that dang grill! Seriously, we’ve been known to go a whole summer without wiping it down, and trying to scrape fossilized fat off your grid in May is harder than finding something of value in Jerry Springer’s “Final Thought.” Inventor Ethan Woods has mercifully given us Grillbots ($69.95-$99.95), robots that will clean the funk and gunk from your grill without you having to move a muscle. Replaceable brushes take their time in removing the grime from both gas and charcoal varieties. Clearly this is a step up from R2-D2.
OK, so your neighbor just pulled up with a new Porsche 911 Carrera, and while you can’t afford such a car, you need to answer his move. Hey, get a Porsche of your own! Specifically, the Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grill (starting at $8,600). Made in conjunction with Porsche (yes, the Porsche), this grill boasts programmable LCD infrared burners, a built-in rotisserie, rechargeable batteries, and a counterbalanced hood. He may not immediately be jealous when you tell him the news, but when the odoriferous essence of those baby backs waft over into his yard, expect him to start talking trade.
Fonzie had a comb, but didn’t find much of a reason to use it. Now if he had had the Grill Comb ($11), well, believe you me—different story. Add this tool to your grilling repertoire and you’ll have a much easier time of perfectly browning your shrimp, beef, chicken and vegetables when the stainless steel teeth are keeping things in place. And sure, in a pinch, you can always use it to fix your ‘do.
How many wieners have you lost to campfires over the years? There’s no innuendo in that; it’s a serious question. If it’s more than one, that’s one too many. Secure your meat with these handcrafted, one-of-a-kind Hot Dog Roasting Sticks ($22). Made from high-quality steel with a classy oak handle and leather carrying strap, these frank protectors will ensure a delicious, even roast over the flames, while making sure your dinner doesn’t die a fiery death. The dog you save may be your own.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if, during lunchtime at the office, you opened up your briefcase to reveal not the usual mix of documents and skin mags but a wicked mini grill!? No, it wouldn’t be awesome, it will be awesome. Score the Darwin Triangular Briefcase BBQ ($39) and you’ll be looking like a businessman when it’s closed and a, um, burgersnessman (wtf) when it’s opened! Just stuff some charcoal and a lighter in your pants pocket and you’ll be ready to turn that staff meeting into a rip-roaring luau. Can you say promotion? If you can’t, don’t worry, it’a a toughie.
