Wallet Ninja Pocket Tool

Those dreams of achieving true ninja status disappeared sometime around the age of, ohh, ten. This handy doodad will at least get you a step closer though. The Wallet Ninja Pocket Tool gives you 18 functions in one. 18!! Letter opener, bottle opener, multiple sized screwdrivers. Nothing is missing except the ability to move silent and deadly. You’ll have to figure that out on your own.

KLAX Multi-Tool

The chances of finding a bunch of sturdy sticks beats the chances of finding random axes. That’s why Klecker Tools invented the KLAX multi-tool. It slips onto any nice-sized stick and turns it into a devastating ax of wood-splitting destruction. Take a look at their Kickstarter project. Only one concern: the KLAX flying behind the user when they bring it up.

Bison Airlighter

Fire fire! Cavemen must have had mini-heart attacks at the first sight of fire. If they saw flames bursting out of the Bison Airlighter, well who knows. Maybe a single tear would’ve rolled down their cheek. This portable air-driven fire lighter shoots out a 4-inch stream of flame. It makes for a quicker ways to light BBQs, fire pits, whatever needs it. Throw away that lighter fluid, forget about stoking the charcoals. You have the Bison Airlighter now. It also makes for a really intense cigarette lighter.

MacGyver Emergency Tool Kit

Sure, a Swiss Army knife might come in handy, but what happens when you have a real emergency? Let’s say it’s someone’s birthday and their cake is one candle short. Bam! Break out your MacGyver Tool Kit ($10) and bust out the included emergency candle. You just saved the day.

The kit comes with other items that one may need: bobby pin, strike-anywhere match, rubber band, bubble gum, paper clip, shoelace, 1 cent stamp and duct tape. Imagine chewing the bubble gum, sticking the shoelace inside on top of the bobby pin, smashing that inside the gum and lighting it. You know what you just made? A mess.

Foldylocks: These Locks Fit Just Right

Space on bike frames are at a premium. Foldylock ($95) understands that. It folds down from its 90 cm unfolded size to fit on the inside of the frame or in a backpack. Mount it easily to a bike frame’s bottle holder fixing screws. Six hardened steel links make up the lock for strong protection. Plus, it looks stellar.

Cardsharp 4: Back and Even Stabbier

The Cardsharp 4, even stabbier! Maybe the Cardsharp 4 ($90) won’t use that slogan, but it beats back Cardsharps 1-3 with a thinner and sharper design. The unit now comes with an all-aluminum knife and housing, a 2 part safety lock and a spring-loaded hinge to prevent sagging and keep everything flat in open and closed positions. No wayward slicing. Stainless steel material accounts for an even sharper blade. All this comes at a price though, as the Cardsharp 4 leaps in price from $23 to $90. Quite a bit more than a Swiss army knife, but the Cardsharp 4 looks much cooler cutting open packages and knifing paper.

Damascus Pocket Knife: Cheddar Just Met Its Match

Cheese is always a quick and tasty appetite suppressor, but when your sharp cheddar is sharper than your kitchen knife, you’re only gonna wind up with a sizable slice of suffering. Show that cheese who’s boss with the Damascus Pocket Knife ($500), a finely made blade featuring a carbon fiber handle with 120 layers of Swedish rose stainless Damascus steel on the liner and blade. We also recommend a blowtorch for grilled cheese sandwiches.

Honda Mean Mower: How Fast Can You Cut Grass?

The answer to the question in the headline is 15 mph (in this case), which is pretty damn fast, but if the lawn is good for the day, watch out, because the Honda Mean Mower has an estimated top speed of over 130 mph. Top Gear along with Honda and its British Touring Car Championship partner Team Dynamics have teamed up to create the fastest lawn mower ever. With a 1,000cc engine from a VTR Firestorm, the Mean Mower boasts 109 horsepower and a 0-60 time of just four seconds. Because let’s face it, the only way the smell of fresh cut grass can get any better is by adding 100 mph exhaust fumes to it.