Handmade Steel Clocks by Michael Siney: Life After Flavor Flav

With the impending death of Flavor Flav (no, he’s not in the hospital or anything, but come on, you know it’s gotta happen soon), there will soon be a dearth of cool clock collectors. You can fill that void with one of these Handmade Steel Clocks by Michael Siney ($55+). A single piece of laser cut steel serves as the foundation, with designs that could easily be found in a modern art museum. Just don’t try wearing one.

Iceberg Oak Wood Bike Hanger: Here’s Your Answer To “How’s It Hangin?”

You paid good money for your bike… OK, so you stole it at knifepoint, but still, you probably paid good money for that knife, right? Point is, your bicycle deserves to be hung with style. The Iceberg Bike Hanger ($600) is beautifully handcrafted from carefully selected oak wood, plus its easy-to-use mount system can rest on walls made from wood and concrete to human skin. Remember: It’s a slippery slope from stealing bikes to making flesh walls. ONE TO GROW ON!

OpenFrame: From Cheryl Tiegs To Picasso In 5 Seconds

If, like Adam Sandler, you’ve refused to take down that beloved Cheryl Tiegs poster from 1978, it might be time for some decor updating, now that you’re 43 and all. OpenFrame ($35+) lets you go from Playmate pinups to Picasso prints in a handful of seconds thanks to the custom frames and strong earth magnets that hold whatever you want in place. No Picasso? A ketchup-stained paper towel will do in a pinch.

Chuck: Flexible Shelving System: Whatever You Want Man

German designer Natascha Harra-Frischkorn has created Chuck, a flexible shelving system that will always respond to your questions with an easygoing “Whatever you want man.” The 4 mm thick planks of wood are totally flexible, letting you get creative with what you hold and how you hold it. “Hey Chuck, can you hold these books?” “Whatever you want man.” “How about my collection of rare butterfly kidneys?” “Whatever you want man.” “Chuck, you’re the greatest. Have you ever thought about being with me… ya know… in that way?” “Whatever…  you… w-w-want… mm-mm-man.”

Archer Distillery Air Fresheners: Knock Your Cubicle Scentsless

One of the worst things about an office job is the dreary smell of homogenized air. ::sniff:: What is that Kimberly Clark paper towels? Get outta here with that. Turn your sterile cubicle into a place worthy of your manliness with Archer Distillery Air Fresheners ($14 per bottle). Just a quick spray and you’ll be aromatically whisked away to the cockpit of a European sports car, distillery, or hunting lodge with worn leather, excessive horsepower and a hint of aftershave. Plus as a bonus, if you’re dating a blind girl, a few spritzes of European sports car will totally dupe her into thinking your ’02 Neon is a 458 Spider.

Click & Grow Smartpots

Click & Grow Smartpots ($60) are perfect for the man whose thumb was only green that one time he got fresh with a leprechaun. This simple kit includes everything you need to grow and maintain some no-hassle vegetation in your place. Plant seeds, nutrients and software are all taken care of. Just add batteries and mind the water levels occasionally and poof! You are now a bonafide gardener.

IKEA Mini Greenhouses

Your living space may be modest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the raw eroticism of a fresh tomato plant in your home. IKEA’s SOCKER Greenhouse ($19.99) is compact enough for an apartment, yet expansive enough to grow flowers, veggies, or herbs in. It opens at the top so you can easily access your plants, and the lil’ greenhouse’s roof vents can be set to bring in air if things need to cool down a bit. And things probably will need to calm down, what with that sexy tomato plant and all.

Stact Modular Wine Wall

The ceiling-high stack of PBR cans in your apartment no longer impresses the ladies the way it used to. These days broads wanna see that you drink wine. Show ‘em with the Stact Modular Wine Wall ($95 and up), a chic way to display your vino, featuring a high-quality wood veneer exterior and two wall brackets that let you easily mount as many of these things as you want next to each other. Now if only those aforementioned ladies were mounted as easily.