Hoverboard by Zapata Racing

The Hoverboard by ZR brings another dimension to water sports lovers. Attach the 60′ hose and kit to a watercraft and fly 20 feet in the air up to speeds of 15 mph. Cowabunga! The complete kit runs close to $6,000, so make sure you really want it or it’ll end up in the corner of the garage somewhere. Right next to those other expensive toys you used once and never used again.

Riva Miami 88

We call today’s segment, “One Can Always Dream”. Dream #1: a convertible yacht. Imagine gliding through the seas on Riva’s Miami 88 at a speed of 34 knots. Sipping on champagne while models cavort around you in bikinis. Then, they whip out strawberries dipped in whipped cream and giggle as they “accidentally” get it on your nose. And next..”WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!” Your alarm’s going off, you dolt. Time to go clock in. What, you actually thought this was your life?

The Quadski: Part ATV, Part Jet Ski

How many times have you been riding an ATV through Jellystone Park when all of a sudden a ravenous bear begins to chase you because your armpits smell like jerky? 11? Thought so. Well, with the Quadski ($40,000) you can evade that nasty bear once you reach the lake as this thing turns from ATV into jet ski! Yes, it’s a fully functioning ATV/Personal Watercraft. Take that Optimus Bond!

The Jetovator

When the piranhas invade your lakeside family reunion this year, guess who’s gonna be the only person to high-pressure hose his way to safety? Nooo, not former NASCAR great Dick Trickle (good/weird guess, though). You will be! Yes, you will able to evade those tiny teeth with the use of the Jetovator ($9,000); a water-powered (via personal watercraft) bikeish vehicle that goes up to 25 mph and 30 feet high. It also plunges you 10 feet below the surface, so once you escape the piranhas, you can drop back under the water to give them the finger (figuratively).

Foldboat: The Foldable, Space Saving Boat

Just think how cinema history would’ve been different had Roy Scheider told Robert Shaw in Jaws “You’re gonna need a foldable boat.” Actually, besides totally puzzling the F out of the audience, I guess it might not have had much of an impact, other than leading to a much quicker debut of Foldboat ($1250). Just bend the large plastic sheet along the creases, insert a few clips, and whammo, you’re ready to go shark hunting. It comes with a couple of inflatable pillows to throw in the shark’s mouth as a diversionary tactic while you prepare to kill him softly with his song (Sisqo’s “Thong Song”). Once you gut the fish, remove said pillows and use them as flotation devices as you paddle back home. Receive ticker tape parade. Enjoy. [Daily Mail via Gear Hungry]

Adastra Luxury Yacht

On styling alone, the $15 million Adastra is pretty ridiculous. Commissioned by Hong Kong shipping magnate Anto Marden, this luxury yacht was almost entirely custom-built, from its carbon fiber and Nomex honeycomb exterior to its hull made of a glass and kevlar foam. It’s quite to safe to say, if you can get a lady on this thing, you will be using the sumptuous master bedroom. Better have that Arbor Mist on ice.

Olasul x Danny Hess Handplane

With the emergence of so many water sports over the years, good ol’ bodysurfing has kinda been neglected. Bodysurfing no like that. Bodysurfing come after you with tire iron in dark alley. Make amends with this ancient wave-riding technique with the Olasul x Danny Hess Teardrop Handplane, a water accessory handmade from sustainably harvested poplar wood. It’ll significantly boost your speed in the water, and though you won’t be as fast as a dolphin, at least you’ll be swimming with a porpoise. Note: Bodysurfing does enjoy bad ocean-themed puns.

Subwing: Underwater Flying

As the world waits patiently (too patiently, if you ask us) for its Aquaman movie, there’s still time for you to get the lead role. The Subwing ($795) may be just what you need to get the audition. Made of carbon fiber, these wings are attached to a boat via a super-strong rope. The unique shape and control system allows you to glide through the water with the greatest of ease, rising up and down and pulling off barrel rolls for as long as you can hold your breath–a skill, which, by the way, you’re gonna need to get up over 9 seconds if you want that Aquaman gig.