Shwood Titanium Fifty-Fifty Glasses

Schwing, as a word, somehow got more popular than shwood. Try saying ‘shwood’ out loud. It has a good ring to it. Integrate more shwood into your vocab with the Shwood Titanium Fifty-Fifty line of sunglasses. A sheet of super-strong titainum gets cut and added to wood, and creates a lightweight, durable pair of sunglasses. Add in Carl Zeiss lenses and these sunglasses give you serious ‘shwag’.

Ray-Ban Aviator Solid Gold: 18k for $3K

Wanna train yourself to stop losing or breaking your sunglasses every year? Coat those suckers in pure gold. That oughta do it. Ray-Ban’s classic Aviators are now available in 18k gold for $3,200. Limited to 1,200 pieces worldwide, each pair is packed with the company’s finest lenses, the P3 Plus, as well as Ray-Ban’s top-of-the-line polarized glass lens.

Ray-Ban Wayfarer Sunglasses Ice-Pop Collection: Perfect For (Motor)Boating

If black attracts heat, what does teal lure in? We’re thinking beach babes, especially if that teal is in the form of the new Ray-Ban Wayfarers Ice-Pop Collection ($TBA). Choose from an array of chilled out translucent colors while still rocking that timeless Wayfarer look. Because motorboating is already sweaty enough as it is.

William Painter Bottle Opener Sunglasses: Finally, A Reason To Wear Your Sunglasses At Night

We’re still not sure Corey Hart wore his sunglasses at night, but whatever reasons he gave, they were all deemed superficial. But that changes with these Bottle Opener Sunglasses ($145) from William Painter. Featuring the timeless Wayfarer design, these shades are made from Titanium with a scratch resistant powder coating. They’re stylish enough to wear to the club and tough enough to survive any skirmishes that may break out due to insane jealousy over your sunglasses that open up beer bottles.

Oxford Vaughan Sunglasses: Fancier Females, Ahoy!

Target-bought sunglasses get you Target-found babes. Elevate your level of lady friend with these high-end shades from Oxford Vaughan, a new British eyewear maker. Each frame in the collection is handcrafted in Japan. With gold plated titanium, Zeiss lenses, and a stitched Italian leather case to keep them in, you can see why these glasses are inspired by racing, yachting, travel, and aviation. And doesn’t an aviation lady sound better than a Walmart woman?

Ray-Ban Aviator Folding Ultra Limited Edition Collection

The thing that’s extra nice about the Ray-Ban Aviator Folding Ultra Limited Edition Collection ($480) is the fact that they fold up. Don’t you wish other things would fold when you wanted them to? An unruly slice of pizza; a stubborn bed sheet; the Yankees. None of these things fold on command the way these glasses do. They also come in crystal green, blue and brown P3 Plus lenses, to go with silver, yellow and gold-plated frames.

Ray-Ban Foldable Aviators

Ever since you doubled over that baloney sandwich as kid, you’ve loved folding things. Pizza, clothes, heck, you even fold at poker when you have a full house, just because the kid loves to fold. Well open your eye folds and check out these new Ray-Ban Foldable Aviators ($195-$295). Since 1937, Ray-Ban has owned the Aviator style, and now, after hearing about your love for folding stuff, they’re folding for you. Hey, what’s your favorite musical group? Oh, right. Ben Folds Five.

Ray-Ban Flip Out Sunglasses

With the US Senate considering a resolution that would ban people named Ray from entering the country, we think Ray-Ban sunglasses are about to become crazy popular. Oh, and also this: Ray-Ban’s new Flip Out collection ($230), giving you the power to switch lenses with your Aviator or Caravan frames any damn well time you please, OK? Choose from 3 types of lenses: mirrored, gradient and polarized, with each one easily switching out with the small clips on gold or gunmetal frames. Each frame is nickel-free (no word on dimes, yet) and resistant to corrosion, so when banning Rays finally becomes the law of the land, these shades will still be in style. Get packing, Liotta.