5 Non-Sexual Ways to Please Your Dad for Father’s Day

From the moment you came out of your mother’s womb, your dad was right there–watching the Dodgers and the Padres on the waiting room TV. And once the game was over (San Diego won 6-2), and after he caught Johnny Carson’s monologue, and as soon as he took a quick leak, he came into the delivery room, took you in his arms, and looked deep into your eyes with pride, amazement, and great expectations for your future.

But carrying your father’s hopes and dreams can be a burden. He wants you to be rich and famous, while you’re pretty much content to just be eye crust-free in public. If pleasing pops on this Father’s Day remains a goal of yours – but not, say, a higher goal than avoiding freezer-burned sherbet – follow these five unique, non-sexual steps for making the old man happy.

Now start clicking that “next” link you ungrateful swine. Image via Flickr/Kalexanderson

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