Handpresso Auto

Let’s face it: freebasing cocaine is a pricy habit. The bills and possibly the bodies are piling up, and your drug induced paranoia is seeping into your daily life (is that helicopter watching you?). Ween yourself off the blow with the Handpresso Auto. The Handpresso delivers espresso on the go in five easy steps:

  1. Feed the machine water!
  2. Place a virgin pod of coffee on the sacrificial altar!
  3. Hit the power!
  4. Mystery step!
  5. Consume via mouth hole!

The Handpresso fits in your car’s beverage holder, powers via car charger, and is much more legal to drive with than a satchel of Bolivian marching powder.

3 Comments

  1. 1. HA! 2. I must know what this mystery step is! 3. How can I fit this in my Bugatti? The carbon fiber cup holders are already holding my piles of money and diamond cellphone…

  2. Alex Pinkowski

    I’LL TAKE THE MYSTERY STEP TO MY GRAVE BEFORE I SEE IT IN YOUR CLUTCHES!

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