Ace of Spades Casino Bottle Opener

The Ace of Spades Casino Bottle Opener ($10) is a stainless steel card type object. It has a big hole in the middle. You can probably open bottled drinks with the damn thing. Use it to practice card throwing, preferably at the head of someone you despise. Teach children the importance of getting hammered while looking awesome as you whip the Ace of Spades out of your leather jacket, pop open like fifty beers, and proceed to drink the hell out of them. Teach children the importance of dialing 911 for emergency stomach pumping. Teach children the importance of letting go as you die from alcohol poisoning. Where was I? Oh yes, the Ace of Spades bottle opener: because regular bottle openers are for pussies.

Leave a Comment