V-Moda Faders VIP Earphones

According to Fearmongering Statistics, a billion percent of our youth will be bleeding constantly and profusely from their ear sockets by the time they reach their teen years. This epidemic is linked to loudly blasting music sounds via their fandangled walkmen, and is more uncomfortable to look at than most debilitating medical issues. Now you can shove music directly into your ear drums with the Faders VIP by Ear Armor, Inc. ($20) without the risk of sound waves perforating those precious ear holes of yours. Aside from harmful noise level reduction, the Faders produce hi-fi sound clarity with a detachable cord for simulated umbilical shenanigans. And they come with a carrying case. Deal=Sealed.

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