Almond+ Wireless Router And Smart Home Hub: Making The Unsexy Sexy

You know how at one time, wayyy back, Madonna was sexy, and now she’s 1,000% unsexy? Yeah, that’s the opposite of what the Almond+ does. Up until now, it’s safe to say no one has ever drooled over a wireless router, but that figures to change. The unique design, cool colors, and touchscreen functionality immediately place the Almond+ several rungs above the typical router. Factor in 802.11ac network compatibility, support for Z-Wave and ZigBee based smart-home devices and appliances, and a $99 price tag and you’ve got the sexiest piece of computer hardware since the boob mouse.

Razer Edge Pro Gaming Tablet: CES’ Golden Child

So it seems like the big winner at CES 2013 was this little doohickey right here, the Razer Edge Pro. We’ll immediately address what’s likely your first question here: No, it does not come with this awesome Perfect Strangers game pre-installed. However, if you can get past that oversight, you might really enjoy this self-billed combination tablet/PC/portable console. The 10.1″ multi-touch display is powered by an Intel i7 core processor with NVIDIA GeForce Series graphics and a solid state drive. Use it as a laptop with the keyboard docking station or get your rocks off with the joystick and button controls. You can also pump the signal to your TV and enjoy many more inches of gaming glory.

OD-11: Sound. Cloud.

Cloud storage is all about convenience, but in the world of home audio, convenience and quality are rarely seen strolling hand-in-hand. However, Teenage Engineering is ready to play matchmaker, even if it means spiking someone’s drink with way too much Nyquil. The new OD-11 Cloud Speaker connects up to four speakers wirelessly with music streaming from any cloud service; no computer necessary. That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s the sound quality that the company is really thumping its chest about, with an integrated 100W amplifier  promising to perk your ears up. Maybe convenience and quality will finally kiss and make up–or at least let someone cop a feel.

BeoLab 15 & 16: Hear Music, Not Voices From The Walls

Crazy people hear voices from their walls; rich people hear music. Bang & Olufsen probably knows there’s less money to be made catering to the insane, so they’re aiming for the well-off crowd with their new Beolab 15 & 16. This sublime sound system features a pair of two-way active speakers, an active subwoofer, and a rack-ready amplifier, all ready for in-wall or in-ceiling placement. The twist? A new motorized tilt function that lets you direct the sound where you want it when on, and then puts them flush back against the wall when off.

Sony Xperia Z: 5 Inches Of Stay-Dry Sexy

One of the sexier smartphones to show up at CES 2013 is Sony’s new Xperia Z. The flagship handset features a 5-inch screen, 1080p display, quad-core processing, and 13-megapixel camera, all wrapped up in a slick, hyper-flat chassis with a glass backing. Taking decent photos and video in low light should be easier with the camera’s HDR mode. So yeah, odds are this phone will induce its share of drooling. Good thing Sony’s engineers thought ahead and made it water-resistant.

TrakDot Luggage Tracker: That Is My Bag, Baby

Trivia time! Question: Where does your suitcase go when the airline loses it? If you guessed “The nether reaches of Mordor,” you’re partially right. We think. Point is, we often have no clue where our bags go. But the Trakdot Luggage Tracker changes all that. Just put this AA-battery-powered beacon into your checked bag and keep tabs on its whereabouts via your smartphone. You’ll get real-time updates on your bag’s current city location through your iOS or Android device. It even sends texts if you lack a smartphone. TrakDot itself costs $50, with a $9 activation fee and annual service fee of $13.

Samsung 85-inch 4K TV: Because Every Inch Matters

I don’t even wanna know what goes on in the men’s room at CES, because out on the showcase floor, the battle over who has the biggest TV is fierce. After Sony dazzled the world with their new 84″ 4K TV, Samsung just had to go and up the ante by a mere inch, just to claim the title of world’s largest Ultra High-Definition TV. The 85-inch UN85S9 also features a unique, um, frame I guess we’ll call it, that keeps the huge screen suspended in the air. That frame also holds a 120-watt 2.2 speaker system, so there’s that. This giant goes on sale for rich people in March, so you know what that means: Panasonic will bust out an 86″ set in April.

NVIDIA Project Shield

Spotted at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas is NVIDIA’s Project Shield, a slick new portable gaming device. Attached to the very Xbox-like controller is a 5-inch 720p retinal multi-touch display. Both PC and Android games will be playable on this thing, and the HDMI out means you can play on a bigger screen, too. Built-in Wi-Fi and speakers that NVIDIA says actually don’t suck round out the pretty package. Now, we wait for a price.