Bruce Lee Playing Cards: Hiya, Hiii-Yah!

Had he been alive, Bruce Lee would’ve turned 73 the day before Thanksgiving–and would’ve carved that bird with his bare hands. A 73-year-old Bruce Lee also would’ve come in handy with policing that mother-in-law, but I digress. These Bruce Lee Playing Cards ($15) from Dan & Dave were officially made with Bruce Lee Enterprises to honor the movie star and martial arts king, and they feature an intense black and yellow motif, along with Chinese dragons (meant to celebrate Lee’s birth) and philosophical quotes from Lee’s teachings. Smartest thing your mother-in-law ever said? “Let’s eat.”

Lazyglasses: Because Reading Is Fundamental, And Hard

Grandmas everywhere are still wondering why America’s children have spurned reading in favor of the Nintender. Perhaps it’s because reading is pretty demanding; what with all the holding of books and head turning. Lazyglasses ($16) might actually make reading cool again, thanks to its special mirrored lenses that let you read text at 180 degrees. That means little Jacob can plop down on his Insidious 2 bedspread and read while lying flat on his back. But shhh, don’t tell him: They also work with TV.

Broquet: Treat Your Dad Like The Dude He Is

With Father’s Day coming up shortly (June 16), it’s time to focus on the man who played catch with you and always threatened to “stop this car” but never actually did. Broquet is a manly gift basket subscription service that treats your dad like the dude he still is. From an assortment of bacon products to shaving materials to cool survival tools, each box is guy-tested to please. Every package comes in a galvanized steel bucket wrapped up in fish net from an actual Louisiana fishing boat. Getting this awesome gift may even make him think it was all worth it. May.

Mantry: It’s My Snack In A Box

Just when it was finally becoming mainstream for men to get into cooking, some jerk coined the term “foodie” and scared away 74.8% of the heterosexuals. None of us wanna be called that ridiculous term, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want top-shelf eats in our iceboxes. Mantry is a food-of-the-month club that makes grub-loving cool again by delivering a batch of random artisanal foods to your doorstep in a sexy handmade wooden crate.  For $75 a month you receive edible gems like BBQ sauce brewed in Alabama, bison jerky out of Montana, and hand-harvested birch syrup from snowy Alaska. Eat it. Just eat it.

Envelope X-Ray Spray: Doesn’t Work On Email, But…

For decades, no, centuries, this invention would’ve made a killing in the free market: a spray that momentarily shows you what’s inside an opaque envelope. As it stands now, the Envelope X-RAY Spray ($14.49) is still pretty cool, but our sources say it does not work on email. Rats. If you can get past that flaw, you’ll enjoy a whole new world of spy-like action. The spray turns any opaque paper translucent for about 30 seconds, then that paper returns to its original state–no markings, no discoloration, no paper trail.

Hubbawelcome Cards: Smart Arse Comments

Valentine’s Day is ::shudder:: fast approaching, guys. Are you gonna cave in again this year with chocolates and flowers? Or will you finally grow a set and give her gifts that make YOU happy? Start things off with a card from Hubbawelcome. These UK hooligans offer some pretty funny greetings including “I Love You So Much I’m Wearing A Vest Made Mostly From Your Pubic Hair.” Perhaps the only way to top a card like is to give your girl a set of earmuffs made from your pubes. Take that, Whitmans!

Vintage Golf Club Bottle Opener

Ever have doubts about whether your father is indeed really your father, or even a father at all? Here’s the crucial test: Does he like golf and beer? If you answered yes, then congrats! This dude is still your dad! Go celebrate and buy him this Vintage Golf Club Bottle Opener ($34) for Father’s Day. He’ll enjoy the harmonious convergence of two of his faves. If you answered no, well, at least that’s $35 in your pocket. This guy ain’t getting jack.

5 Non-Sexual Ways to Please Your Dad for Father’s Day

From the moment you came out of your mother’s womb, your dad was right there–watching the Dodgers and the Padres on the waiting room TV. And once the game was over (San Diego won 6-2), and after he caught Johnny Carson’s monologue, and as soon as he took a quick leak, he came into the delivery room, took you in his arms, and looked deep into your eyes with pride, amazement, and great expectations for your future.

But carrying your father’s hopes and dreams can be a burden. He wants you to be rich and famous, while you’re pretty much content to just be eye crust-free in public. If pleasing pops on this Father’s Day remains a goal of yours – but not, say, a higher goal than avoiding freezer-burned sherbet – follow these five unique, non-sexual steps for making the old man happy.

Now start clicking that “next” link you ungrateful swine. Image via Flickr/Kalexanderson

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