Splinter Works ‘Vessel’ Hammock Bath: Get Clean, Stay Lazy

The traditional hammock nap usually starts off well enough, but too often it ends with a persistent mosquito causing you to flip over and meet Mother Earth face first. But the Vessel Hammock Bath from Splinter Works actually gives you all of the relaxation of a hammock while still getting your body clean (and bite-free). This sumptuous creation hangs suspended in a wet room, with the waste water funneling out through the base into a floor drain. A rope swing this is not—Vessel is made with carbon fiber and other top-tier materials. There’s also plenty of room for two in here, heh heh… so yeah, you thinking what I’m thinking? Come on in, Dad!

Vipp Suction Hook: It Really Sucks

Unless you’re a vacuum salesman or porn star producer, it’s not too often you can brag about how your product really sucks. But there’s a new entry to the list of stupendous suckers: the Vipp suction hook (19 euros for two). Made of stainless steel and rubber, these hooks mount on any glass-like surface and reliably hold anything up to 2.2 lbs. The Danish Technological Institute tested the hooks and saw no signs of wavering after three weeks of use, even after presumably holding up more than a dozen of those Danish butter cookies.

Sauna Box: More Money, Less Naked Dudes

Saunas are great, but 9 times out 10 they involve sitting three feet away from an old dude’s bare sack. Is ridding yourself of this problem worth $41,000? Of course it is. The Sauna Box is a self-sufficient sauna that uses both solar power and a wood-fired stove. The whole unit is built into its shipping container, and it features hook-ups for your electronics. Yes, more hook-ups for your gear, less hook-ups for No-Pants Stanley over there.

Pop-Up Bedside Table by La Vela

Sunday mornings are meant for staying in bed until the pain from the flesh sores outweighs the realities of facing the day. Make that process easier with this Pop-Up Bedside Table by La Vela ($TBA). For Monday through Saturday you’ve got a stylish little table in white lacquer, walnut, or structured beech. Then on Sunday, the surface pops out into an extendable table, allowing your significant other to lavish you with tart fruits and rich pastries; both of which have been known to reduce the risk of bed sores, btw.

Oborain: Pre-Fab Outdoor Shower

Waiting for rain, stripping naked, then lugging your Pantene Pro V out into the middle of the street is a pretty cumbersome way to shower outdoors. Simplify the process with the Oborain, a modern pre-fab outdoor shower. And don’t be put off by that “pre-fab” phrase–this thing is already fabulous. It takes just 30 minutes to set the Oborain up, giving you a private shower enclosure made from handcrafted sustainable hardwoods and stainless steel, with an Axor Citterio 3-jet showerhead.

Man Candles

If machismo has kept you from partaking in the majesty of scented candles all these years, we’re so sorry: you’ve missed out on having your garage smell like “Pineapple Vanilla Cupcake.” But Yankee Candle has finally come around to catering to your type with a new series of Man Candles. Choose from “Riding Mower,” “2×4,” “First Down,” and oh boy, “Man Town.” Ya know I spent a night in Man Town back in ’89… best night of my life… smelled great.

Studio Thol Bathtub

Forget about fancy sports cars, handmade bathtubs are the true sign of the elite. “Hello, Dutch designer Thomas Linseen? Have you finished making my American white oak and marble composite stub yet?” If that’s not something Warren Buffet would say, I don’t know what is. Prepare to pony up 12,000 euros for the Studio Thol Bathtub so you can focus on the immaculate craftsmanship involved, from the wooden frame to the fiberglass matting. It’s almost enough to make you wanna work hard and get wealthy. Almost.

Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale

What’s the next device in your home that needs to be connected? If you said “The toaster!” well, yes, but hang on, Mr. Nibbles. First let’s gets you the Fitbit Aria ($130), a Wi-Fi-enabled scale that uploads information to your private account each time you step on it. You can then monitor your progress at Fitbit.com (“Hmmm. It says I gained a pound, but all I ate yesterday was that entire goat.”) track your trends, and compare your stats with friends and family. Next year, we’ll get that toaster of yours to run social media apps. That’ll surely be a great step forward for society.