Remee: REM-enhancing Lucid Dreaming Mask

Dreams of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley are great, but what good are they when you can’t seal the deal with her as you’re riding that giant winged turtle over the dilapidated Trapper Keeper factory? Remee ($80) may change that. This is a new sleeping mask that promises to enhance your rapid eye movement sleep and give you the power to recognize you’re in a dream and act accordingly. Six red lights on the inside of the mask go off at key times during the latter half of your nightly slumber, with an intent of making you lucid for your dreams. Of course, maybe nailing giants winged turtles is more your thing. Either way, you have the control.

The Scrubba: World’s Smallest Washing Machine

Attention Prince, Tom Cruise, and all horse jockeys! Your worries are over–we’ve found the world’s smallest washing machine. The Scrubba wash bag ($40) is a portable pocket-sized washing machine weighing 180 g (6.35 oz) that turns soiled jumpsuits, Vanilla Sky promotional T-shirts, and crusty riding gear into crystal clean garments with just a few minutes of work. Just stuff your raspberry berets and couch-jumping jeans into the bag, add a couple of drops of cleaning liquid and two or three liters of water and you’re ready to clean your clothes on the go. You let out a little air in the bag with a valve to ensure a good scrub. Hey, whose purple panties are these? Prinnnnnce!

 

Swash 1000 Bidet Toilet Seat

Tom Brady enjoys having fresh and clean buttocks, so should you. While the Pats QB recently impressed his WR Wes Welker with a bidet in his home, you too can achieve cute glutes with the Swash 1000 ($600). This fine piece of equipment gets attached to your toilet and provides a “refreshing” spray of water in just the right spot – OK, it’s your anus – along with warm air to dry things out and temperature controls. Keep in mind though, the no-slam seat means no matter how excited you are after dropping the browns off at the super bowl, you won’t be able to spike the lid in celebration.

Scu-Head Shower

You’d think by now we’d have seen all the possible innovations in the shower head category, but nope. If Doc Ock gave you some roofies (let’s face it, totally possible) and you woke up at his place, the Scu-Head would probably be the first thing you’d see as he was lathering up your backside. With 6 flexible arms, the Scu-Head will reach any part of your body that the good Dr. Octavius cannot.

Horizontal Shower

The fact that you have to stand up when you shower – just moments after emerging from 8 hours of horizontal hibernation – has always seemed a little harsh to us. Finally, some smart & fancy designers have felt our pain and created a way to lather up while lying down. Dornbracht’s new Horizontal Shower debuted in Switzerland just a few weeks ago, and it’s already whipping up a mild frenzy among those who want less vertical activity pre-10am. Shower heads controlled by the company’s Ambiance Tuning Technique system rain down water on your dirty, dirty body with a multitude of intensities and temperatures, letting you sleep through the daily cleansing process if need be. We’re not sure of its price yet, but we are sure this totally fits our lazy ass lifestyle.

Kohler Numi Toilet

Toilets can be so boring. You sit, daydream and then spend time getting clean. Kohler makes this experience more enjoyable with the Kohler Numi Toilet. Calling it just a toilet is a bit disrespectful.

The Kohler Numi Toilet sports an LCD touch-screen interface, auto-open and -close lid, built-in music system and a heated seat and foot warmer, just to name a few. It combines luxury with bidet functionality and infuses it with a 21st century wow factor. And to think we use to squat in the forest and wipe ourselves with leaves.