SONTE Film: WiFi Digital Window Shades

Now here’s a way to throw shade without hurting anyone’s feelings. SONTE Film ($65) is a Wi-Fi enabled digital shade that instantly turns your windows from opaque to clear with just the tap of your smartphone. Choose from red or black and boost your privacy, UV and infrared protection, and energy savings, all while finding another way to mess with your phone. The future looks shady.

roberope: No Wire Hangers

If the thought of wire hangers drives you insane with rage, relax—roberope can help. Created by a pair of German designers, roberope is part hanger, part storage accessory, and part art piece. It’s made out of marine rope with a unique inflexible design that lets it keep its shape. Just tie a knot, hang it, and you’re ready to suspend your garments with more vertical flair than a Burning Man.

Handmade Steel Clocks by Michael Siney: Life After Flavor Flav

With the impending death of Flavor Flav (no, he’s not in the hospital or anything, but come on, you know it’s gotta happen soon), there will soon be a dearth of cool clock collectors. You can fill that void with one of these Handmade Steel Clocks by Michael Siney ($55+). A single piece of laser cut steel serves as the foundation, with designs that could easily be found in a modern art museum. Just don’t try wearing one.

Iceberg Oak Wood Bike Hanger: Here’s Your Answer To “How’s It Hangin?”

You paid good money for your bike… OK, so you stole it at knifepoint, but still, you probably paid good money for that knife, right? Point is, your bicycle deserves to be hung with style. The Iceberg Bike Hanger ($600) is beautifully handcrafted from carefully selected oak wood, plus its easy-to-use mount system can rest on walls made from wood and concrete to human skin. Remember: It’s a slippery slope from stealing bikes to making flesh walls. ONE TO GROW ON!

OpenFrame: From Cheryl Tiegs To Picasso In 5 Seconds

If, like Adam Sandler, you’ve refused to take down that beloved Cheryl Tiegs poster from 1978, it might be time for some decor updating, now that you’re 43 and all. OpenFrame ($35+) lets you go from Playmate pinups to Picasso prints in a handful of seconds thanks to the custom frames and strong earth magnets that hold whatever you want in place. No Picasso? A ketchup-stained paper towel will do in a pinch.

Chuck: Flexible Shelving System: Whatever You Want Man

German designer Natascha Harra-Frischkorn has created Chuck, a flexible shelving system that will always respond to your questions with an easygoing “Whatever you want man.” The 4 mm thick planks of wood are totally flexible, letting you get creative with what you hold and how you hold it. “Hey Chuck, can you hold these books?” “Whatever you want man.” “How about my collection of rare butterfly kidneys?” “Whatever you want man.” “Chuck, you’re the greatest. Have you ever thought about being with me… ya know… in that way?” “Whatever…  you… w-w-want… mm-mm-man.”

Archer Distillery Air Fresheners: Knock Your Cubicle Scentsless

One of the worst things about an office job is the dreary smell of homogenized air. ::sniff:: What is that Kimberly Clark paper towels? Get outta here with that. Turn your sterile cubicle into a place worthy of your manliness with Archer Distillery Air Fresheners ($14 per bottle). Just a quick spray and you’ll be aromatically whisked away to the cockpit of a European sports car, distillery, or hunting lodge with worn leather, excessive horsepower and a hint of aftershave. Plus as a bonus, if you’re dating a blind girl, a few spritzes of European sports car will totally dupe her into thinking your ’02 Neon is a 458 Spider.

Click & Grow Smartpots

Click & Grow Smartpots ($60) are perfect for the man whose thumb was only green that one time he got fresh with a leprechaun. This simple kit includes everything you need to grow and maintain some no-hassle vegetation in your place. Plant seeds, nutrients and software are all taken care of. Just add batteries and mind the water levels occasionally and poof! You are now a bonafide gardener.