The chances of finding a bunch of sturdy sticks beats the chances of finding random axes. That’s why Klecker Tools invented the KLAX multi-tool. It slips onto any nice-sized stick and turns it into a devastating ax of wood-splitting destruction. Take a look at their Kickstarter project. Only one concern: the KLAX flying behind the user when they bring it up.
Imagine you went all Tom Hanks style and found yourself stranded on a desert island. Not a dessert island, with cupcake pebbles, creme brulee caves, and luscious Yoo-Hoo rivers, but a desert island: no humans, no technology. Cast Away made it seem like a volleyball would be your most prized possession, but we’d opt for something more like the Gentleman’s Survival Kit (sadly, it’s not for sale). Starting with a vintage briefcase, blogger pscmpf didn’t waste any time buying vowels for his screen name; instead he built this beauty with a crafty mix of scrap wood, tin, and leather. He then loaded it up with essentials like a hatchet, kindling chips, a flask, and some Jack Daniels–and Jack beats Wilson every time.
Forget zombies, what are you gonna reach for when this Honey Boo Boo girl and her mom come crashing through your window at 3am with documents from Nielsen showing you “HAVEN’T BEEN WATCHING THEIR TV SHOW!!” Grab the Knaxe ($44.99). You get a forged steel axe with a hideaway magnetic knife tucked inside. It also makes for a good TV-smashing tool.
Looking for that certain post-apocalyptic multi-tool to lodge into the head of a ravenous zombie or unruly Starbuck’s customer? The Mo-Tool ($50) has all the useful parts of a Swiss army knife and none of the garbage (like the toothpick, why is there a toothpick). The Mo-Tool’s main feature is the axe, and when you spin it around, guess what? Now it’s a hammer. Your One-Handed Weapon skill will increase substantially with all that axing and bludgeoning you’ll be doing. Plus it has a wrench for wrenching, a knife for knifing, a SERRATED knife for the old serrating/knifing combo, and also a saw, screwdrivers, can opener, pliers, lightsaber, wire cutter, and file. Seriously, can this apocalypse happen soon?
If you want your bed to look like a zombie just had his head bashed in all over it, you’re gonna need the proper tool to achieve that style. The M48 Ranger Hawk Axe ($59.99) fits the bill with its lightweight build, stainless steel blade, and nylon reinforced sheath. It also comes with a compass so you can find the nearest rundown gas station whose phone doesn’t work and wait a second did something just crawl under that counter oh my god it’s the undead corpse of Ty Cobb quick grab your linens and your Ranger Hawk Axe!
