1920s German Light Bulb Voltage Tester Bar: Edison Yourself A Cocktail

If you don’t have the room for a full-fledged bar, but want something funky to hold your spirits, this 1920s German Light Bulb Voltage Tester Bar ($1,995) will fit the bill nicely. Inspired by an early 20th-century light bulb voltage tester discovered in a factory in Germany, this iron horse holds bottles, glasses, and all your alcohol accessories. Thomas Edison’s invention of the lightbulb was pretty cool, but creating your Long Island Iced Tea from this creation would surely run a close second.

Tumi x Ketel One Mixology Set

Now this is how you elevate the whole BYOB thing. Suitcase maker Tumi and the booze wizards at Ketel One have combined forces to create the Tumi x Ketel One Mixology set, a mobile vodka bar that’s wrapped in ballistic nylon. It features everything you need to make a Martini, including two bottles of Ketel One Vodka. I imagine they went with ballistic nylon to support the bevy of drunk girls who will surely climb on top of this thing once they’ve had a couple of cosmos.

Mason Jar Cocktail Shaker

Once the primary tool of tomato sauce-making grandmothers and lightning bug-catching kids, the Mason jar is now ready for prime time. The Mason Shaker ($30) lets you get that Whiskey Sour going with flair as the four-piece system turns from cocktail shaker to old-fashioned glass with a simple twist of the lid. Maybe you can add a firefly to your beverage for some organic pizzazz?

The Professional Microbrewery

Forget that panda sanctuary idea; I say use the spare room in your house (and that spare $45,000) for the Hammacher Schlemmer Professional Microbrewery. Enter the recipe in the integrated touch screen computer, then back away as the 15-gallon hot liquor tank with a built-in heat exchange does its thing. A 20-gallon boil kettle, 14-gallon stainless steel fermentation tank, and eight reusable five-liter mini kegs will get you closer to putting Budweiser out of business–and further from having to clean up panda piss. Remember: Beer = good. Panda piss = slippery.

Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws

Hangovers are the worst. That’s why people invented the overly complicated Bloody Mary, so you can discreetly drink your sweet, sweet booze in the morning without looking like an alcoholic. For those who think that Bloody Marys have way too little garnishes, we present Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws. The decidedly Freudian beef straw is 7.75 inches of pure 100% beef, and that can’t sound any more homoerotic. Oh wait, of course it can: these sticks are perfect for when you just HAVE to suck on a tube of meat. Get your hollowed out Slim Jims today ($23.95/15 sticks).