Hangovers are the worst. That’s why people invented the overly complicated Bloody Mary, so you can discreetly drink your sweet, sweet booze in the morning without looking like an alcoholic. For those who think that Bloody Marys have way too little garnishes, we present Benny’s Bloody Mary Beef Straws. The decidedly Freudian beef straw is 7.75 inches of pure 100% beef, and that can’t sound any more homoerotic. Oh wait, of course it can: these sticks are perfect for when you just HAVE to suck on a tube of meat. Get your hollowed out Slim Jims today ($23.95/15 sticks).