Philips DJ-Dock

It’s hard to believe, but turntable DJs – once the epitome of cutting edge cool – are now settling into that “grumpy old fogey” category. Technology like the Philips FWP3200D DJ-Dock has many of them whining about “kids these days” and whatnot. Just plug a pair of iPhones into the twin decks and you’ll be mixing (but not scratching) like a pro–a pro who spent 20 years and $14,000 to hone his craft. Damn, maybe he has a right to be cranky.

Pioneer HDJ-1500 Professional DJ Headphones

The something to hold while spinning a turntable? Pioneer’s HDJ-1500 ($209) could be that thing, if you’d give it a friggin’ chance for once. Pioneer’s new DJ Headphones are for pros, and to be clear I don’t mean prostitutes. Prostitutes are more than welcome to buy them; Pioneer is not prejudiced. Modern courtesans would especially appreciate the sound balance that the HDJ-1500 provides, and the stylish soundproof ear chamber. For the tech-savvy hookers, frequency ranges from 5 Hertz to 30,000 Hz, 32 ohm impedance, and other jargon. Not that I would know anything about prostitutes, who’s asking?  But seriously, prostitution is a victimless crime.

Vesta Turntable

Whether the party calls for a scratch battle or just some tunes mixed together, look to do both with Vesta’s new PDF-3000Mix. Vestax lovers now get the S-arm, made of high quality aluminium and bearings. The new torque simulator lets DJs finely tune the pitch for mixing, or keep it steady for those intense DJ battles. There’s also a MIDI connection that lets connected devices control, all together now, the pitch.

If you’re a non-DJ, bring this to family gatherings and add some background effects to all those zany moments. “What? You’re pregnant??” (Record scratch).

Numark NS6 Digital DJ Controller and Mixer

Try as you might, there’s just no stopping the digital revolution. Sure, old school DJs cutting up vinyl will always reign supreme, but can anyone resent the future when it looks like this? Say what’s up to Numark’s NS6, the company’s newest digital DJ controller. This slick-looking piece of hardware is a ferocious 4-channel mixer with Serato Itch 4-deck DJ software built-in; that means all you need is a laptop with tunes and some speakers, and you’re ready to rock the party harder than DJ Qualls. OK, so DJ Qualls isn’t really a DJ, he’s that skinny actor from Road Trip, but no one will care about that misguided reference when you show up with this 14-pound piece of music-mashing metal. It’s going for about $1K.