Wooden Beef Butcher Diagram Cutting Board: Your Body Is A Wonderland

I’m not sure if John Mayer wrote “Your Body Is A Wonderland” about Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Aniston, but clearly he made a mistake by not dedicating his raspy vocals to the almighty cow. From burgers to steaks, it’s the cow’s body that truly is the wonderland here, and this Wooden Beef Butcher Diagram Cutting Board ($45) shows you exactly why. The 12 x 16 inch hand-milled board is engraved with an informative beef butcher’s diagram, so you’ll know exactly how to slice one up if you ever find yourself stranded on a dairy farm and not in the mood to ask the property owner for directions.

Vintage Golf Club Bottle Opener

Ever have doubts about whether your father is indeed really your father, or even a father at all? Here’s the crucial test: Does he like golf and beer? If you answered yes, then congrats! This dude is still your dad! Go celebrate and buy him this Vintage Golf Club Bottle Opener ($34) for Father’s Day. He’ll enjoy the harmonious convergence of two of his faves. If you answered no, well, at least that’s $35 in your pocket. This guy ain’t getting jack.

5 Non-Sexual Ways to Please Your Dad for Father’s Day

From the moment you came out of your mother’s womb, your dad was right there–watching the Dodgers and the Padres on the waiting room TV. And once the game was over (San Diego won 6-2), and after he caught Johnny Carson’s monologue, and as soon as he took a quick leak, he came into the delivery room, took you in his arms, and looked deep into your eyes with pride, amazement, and great expectations for your future.

But carrying your father’s hopes and dreams can be a burden. He wants you to be rich and famous, while you’re pretty much content to just be eye crust-free in public. If pleasing pops on this Father’s Day remains a goal of yours – but not, say, a higher goal than avoiding freezer-burned sherbet – follow these five unique, non-sexual steps for making the old man happy.

Now start clicking that “next” link you ungrateful swine. Image via Flickr/Kalexanderson

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