SureFire UDR Dominator Flashlight

If you wound up here because you’re looking for a fleshlight, keep moving, you made a typo. This story is about SureFire’s high-powered UDR Dominator flashlight which emits an eye-popping 2,000 Lumens of light, enough to almost reach Uranus, as opposed to your anus, which is more suited to the fleshlight. The LED rechargeable device features an integrated lithium-ion battery, fuel gauge, and an 11 setting selector ring to adjust the brightness and strobe mode. Strobe Mode? Hmm. Maybe you did find the right page after all.

EPLI Executive Precision Lighting Instrument

If you’re looking for a tactical light that fits in your pocket, take a gander at the EPLI Executive Precision Lighting Instrument ($60). Yes, that is the full name, but call it EPLI for short. This small, but powerful, tactical light fits in your pocket. Housed in high grade aircraft aluminum, the EPLI produces up to 160 lumens with its Cree LED.

According to their site, it’s the “perfect tool for the warrior who’s battlefield is the board room.” Although this will make a great Father’s Day present, the idea of some executive pulling this out in the boardroom is just odd. On the other hand, I’m no bigshot executive. Maybe CEOs pull out their tactical lights all the time. Isn’t that what leads to harassment lawsuits though?

[Image via Gear Patrol]