Robot Smart Grill

Imagine a world with perfectly cooked backyard BBQ meat. A universe where everything is just…perfect. No charred steaks, no thinking, no mistakes, no glitches. That’s the utopia we’ll have one day with the integration of computers into our lives. Take the Lynx Smart Grill. It hooks up to your Wi-Fi network and instantly accesses recipes and cook times. Tell it what you’re cooking and it’ll automatically heat the grill and instruct where to place the meats. During the cooking process, it alerts you when and how to cook the meat through a series of audio and visual alerts. All you have to do is react whenever you hear the series of pings. No. Thinking. Involved. Automaton boy.

Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grills

OK, so your neighbor just pulled up with a new Porsche 911 Carrera, and while you can’t afford such a car, you need to answer his move. Hey, get a Porsche of your own! Specifically, the Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grill (starting at $8,600). Made in conjunction with Porsche (yes, the Porsche), this grill boasts programmable LCD infrared burners, a built-in rotisserie, rechargeable batteries, and a counterbalanced hood. He may not immediately be jealous when you tell him the news, but when the odoriferous essence of those baby backs waft over into his yard, expect him to start talking trade.

The Cuebe: Outdoor Kitchen Center

When you gaze long into The Cuebe ($3000), The Cuebe also gazes into you. The Cuebe is for outdoors. The Cuebe has two gas burners. The Cuebe loves us. The Cuebe loves when you fry, bake, roast, and cook. The Cuebe has many wooden drawers. The Cuebe has many secrets. The Cuebe is stainless steel. The Cuebe’s soul is stainless. The Cuebe can resist weather. The Cuebe will last for years. The Cuebe has a bottle rack. For bottles. The Cuebe is here to serve. The Cuebe wants us to place it wherever we desire. The Cuebe has wheels. The Cuebe is a cubic meter. The Cuebe has other dimensions. Dimensions we cannot fathom. The Cuebe is our friend. The Cuebe is watching. Always watching.

Grillson Wood Pellet Grill

If the thought of fire-grilled, non-human flesh gets you all tingly inside, congrats–you’re a carnivore. Get the jump on the 2012 grilling season with the Bob Grillson Wood Pellet Grill, a meal-maker that uses traditional electricity to heat up wooden pellets that will enhance the flavor of any carcass you manage to capture at the local market. With a funky design, bamboo tray for chopping, electronic temperature control, and an integrated thermometer, there is no animal you won’t make tasty this summer. None!