Why Unicorn Drinks: One Horn, Many Problems

You’d think with such a magical reputation unicorns would be living large–but nope. As author and illustrator C. W. Moss showed us in his previous book, Unicorn Being a Jerk, these mythical creatures can be a handful. Why Unicorn Drinks ($10) features some 65 four-color illustrations and captions that show the unicorn as the depressed, horny creature he really is. And as usual, boozing it up makes the pain go away. Why didn’t they teach us that in school?

Monty Python’s Flying Circus: Complete and Annotated…All the Bits

Monty Python fans needs something for their coffee tables besides coffee-crusted, fossilized mugs with ancient cigarette butts stashed inside them. Make it Monty Python’s Flying Circus: Complete and Annotated…All the Bits ($32) and treasure every script from every episode of one of the most absurd and classic television shows of all time. You’ll get hundreds of annotations, behind-the-scenes stories, interviews, and more, as well as photographs, drawings, and Terry Gilliam’s legendary artwork. You’ll also get something to cover up those bloodstains with.

Disappointments Diary 2013

I’m a true pessimist. To me, the glass isn’t half-empty, it’s half-empty and half-filled with polluted air. So imagine my excitement when I saw the Disappointments Diary 2013, a weekly planner loaded with a multitude of mood-sinking milestones. You’ll stay updated on notable deaths, demotivational proverbs, contact pages for People Who Never Call and People You Owe Money, and Pages Unintentionally Left Blank. Be sure to write your entries in Bummer Black.

I Suck at Girls By Justin Halpern

From Twitter-er and author Justin Halpern of Shit My Dad Says fame comes his latest book I Suck at Girls ($11). As the title suggests, the book follows Justin’s reflection on his tendency to suck in the general direction of girl-folk. After informing his always eloquent father about his intent to marry his girlfriend of four years, he is unsurprisingly told off.  Justin eventually gets an important piece of advice: look back at what you’ve learned on women, and report back. Hilarity ensues. An excerpt of the book can be found here. If it’s any indication on how funny the book will be, then I’m sold.

Horrible Cards: Greeting Cards by the Oatmeal

Oatmeal is not funny. Even with Wilfred Brimley as the pitchman – as rib-tickling as he is – the stuff just sits there all mushy and lumpy. Now The Oatmeal? That’s funny. The cartoon comedy site has elicited numerous chuckles out of SFC, and now artist Matthew Inman’s witty words and illustrations are available in greeting card form. The messages are a nice mix of clever, creepy, cute, and of course, funny. Instead of the rehashed Hallmark crap this Valentine’s Day, why not send your lady a card that says “If I were trapped in a blizzard with everyone I ever knew, loved, or cared about…. I’d totally eat you last.”