OnOurTable Wooden Kitchen Accessories: Too Classy For Fast Food

Once you graduate from Hot Pockets and Chef Boyardee, it’s time to put some thought into not only what you eat but how you serve it. Canadian designer Geoffrey Lilge clearly put some thought into the OnOurTable wooden kitchen accessories, with each item kitchen and dining room piece handcrafted from solid wood. The charcuterie boards, fruit boxes, serving tray, and cutlery box are all made from hand-finished solid walnut, so yeah, those KFC Double Down things–are they still making them? If so, NEVER put one on these.

Ultimate Spatula

Nailing the perfect temperature and consistency on that piece of tilapia requires the right pan, flame, lube, and yes, spatula. This unsung hero of the kitchen is called upon to flip burgers, pancakes, and even scripts when 90s-era rappers begin pontificating. The Ultimate Spatula ($20) is simply a single piece of molded silicone that does every damn thing you want a spatula to do. It handles food temperatures up to 460 degrees, and it’s a breeze to clean.

Pop-Up Hot Dog Toaster

The hot dog is too good to be an afterthought–its flavors too complex; its texture too worthy of patient exploration. Turn your weenie-making time into somewhat of a spiritual catharsis with the Pop-Up Hot Dog Toaster from Nostalgia Electrics ($19). As its 1950s candy apple red paint job livens up your kitchen, two cylindrical meats and two buns will be perfectly toasted inside the flavor chamber. Upon emergence, then, and only then, will this savory treat be ready for consumption. Enjoy.

Zip HydroTap

Somewhere along the line, bottled water went from a ridiculous idea to a billion-dollar industry. If you’re still holding a grudge about this as I am, check out the Zip HydroTap. This Australian innovation brings you boiling filtered water instantly, so that oatmeal can get all nice and hot and sticky–just the way you like it. Of course it also delivers chilled filtered water, perfect for filling up balloons with to then drop on unsuspecting bottled water-drinkers from atop our self-righteous perch.

Giro Apple Slicer

For some reason, especially around Halloween, people always look at you strange when you use a razor blade to dice your apple slices. Extinguish the dirty looks with Christina Schäfer’s Giro Apple Slicer ($45). Turn this stainless steel utensil on top of an apple and you’ll be left with gorgeous spiral slices that are perfect for edible decorations. And we all know fancy apple slices scream class. Like this: CLASS!

Nomiku: Perfect Steak Every Time

Sous-vide cooking involves putting food into an airtight plastic bag and then giving it a hot water bath for hours and hours. But really, who has plastic bags all that time? The Nomiku ($299) is an immersion circulator that will heat up your steak to a terrifically tender degree. Just clip the Nomiku onto the side of a pot, dial up the temperature, and starting calling friends over. Oh, and ask them to bring over some plastic bags. You’re running low.

Draftmark: Home Draft System

Sometimes you want delicious draught beer without the increased chances of a violent skirmish that every trip to a bar seems to bring. Draftmark could be the answer to your agoraphobic ways, as its rechargeable battery provides you with a nifty home-fridge solution to getting fresh beer on tap. Anheuser-Busch is currently testing the product in St. Louis with gallon-sized refills turning out Budweiser, Shock Top, and Bass Pale Ale. And if you still crave fisticuffs at home, you can always blow into that copy of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.

Zebag Wine Carrier

Far be it for us to tell you how to run your life, but do you think it’s possible that your technique of carrying wine bottles in loaves of holed-out Italian bread can be improved upon? The Zebag ($45) safely holds and insulates six bottles of vino as you scamper from one girl’s house to the next (you sly dog), and even opens up to become an 11-bottle wine rack should you ever settle down. Stop stuffing the Italian bread with wine and use it for what it’s meant for: mercilessly attacking Olive Garden waiters.