Skate Upton Skateboard

Freaking Kate Upton… goddamn she’s hot! So hot that it’s worth the risk of slamming neck-first into a just-opened car door because you were looking down at her lovely vision on your Skate Upton skateboard deck. Yes, now you can do your grinds, ollies, and peppercorn pudding pops* with one of the world’s foremost beauties underneath your feet–where they all should be, btw.

The skateboard for kids still rule as a means of transportation, but maybe you want to class it up son. Enter Salt Skateboards ($220). 100% walnut top and bottom veneers with a middle layer of maple, it’s a durable skateboard sandwich of top-shelf wood. The top features clear grip tape, while the kick tail gives more control when shredding. To the extreme! Don’t do any serious grindage on these, lest you ruin a fine, fine board.

Unless you really get cracking on that time machine, your best bet at owning a 70’s era skateboard is right here. The limited edition James Pearse skateboard is modeled after the classic decks of yesteryear and they’re handcrafted from select solid walnut planks and accented with solid wenge strips for added stability. High-performance trucks and wide polyurethane wheels keep the vibe all lava lampy. Pearse’s pedigree is pure So-Cal artist, and these boards show it.

*Not a real move (yet)