Despite the strong effort by pirates, walking the plank never really caught on. The reason? Too much walking. People prefer to sit. Now sitting (on) the plank–that’s progress. And designer Eric Pfeiffer knows it; that’s why he created the Plank Lounger. Sit slow and low with this fine piece of furniture made from weather-treated pine slats and a white powder coated steel frame. It’s simple. Clean. Comfortable. And it involves absolutely no walking.
First it was used in hockey, then urinals, but now the puck has truly found its calling. Chill Puck ($5) is a miracle-working ice pack filled with a sub-zero material that “defies the laws of physics.” It’s molded perfectly to fit inside a koozy or attach permanently to your can with an assist from a Chill Band. Of course it’s also a great reminder of proper punctuation, since “Chill, Puck” sounds like something you might’ve heard on MTV in the 90s.
When I heard that Gerber had a new set of small, lightweight tools, I naturally assumed they were being aimed at the growing number of infants who both need and deserve functioning screwdrivers. Yeah, turns out this is a different Gerber. But that doesn’t mean the tools are any less impressive. Choose from a selection of blades, combination bottle opener/LED lights, and more, each weighing in at just an ounce, or the equivalent of two tablespoons of pureed peas & carrots.
How can you find out if a falling tree makes a noise in the forest? Live there. No, really, go live there and do some research on it. And live in the forest you can with the Tree Tent from Luminair ($12,800). It’s a lightweight, hybrid aluminium and steam bent airframe. It’s waterproof and puts minimal stress on the trees themselves. Remember, squirrels will now be your new neighbors, so it’d be a nice gesture to offer up your nuts.
Forcing your kid to take harp lessons sounds like the kinda thing that the Department of Social Services will have your ass in a cell for. Luckily this Fold Away Harp Tool Kit ($45) is 100% incapable of creating music. This pocket-sized package contains eight stainless steel instruments (none of which can hold a tune) that fold out and lock in place. From the Phillips head screwdriver to the saw and corkscrew, giving this handy tool to your child may not be fully advisable, but it’s still safer than a full-sized harp.
Waiting for rain, stripping naked, then lugging your Pantene Pro V out into the middle of the street is a pretty cumbersome way to shower outdoors. Simplify the process with the Oborain, a modern pre-fab outdoor shower. And don’t be put off by that “pre-fab” phrase–this thing is already fabulous. It takes just 30 minutes to set the Oborain up, giving you a private shower enclosure made from handcrafted sustainable hardwoods and stainless steel, with an Axor Citterio 3-jet showerhead.
Human rights? Of course. Animal rights? Sure. Insect rights? F**k ’em. It’s all about piling up as massive a mosquito body count as you can when it comes to defending your body and home against these hideous winged bloodsucking beasts. The InaTrap Insect Killer from INADAYS ($90) may be the best way to do it. It uses an LED light and a photo-catalyst reaction to produce minute levels of carbon dioxide to attract the bugs, while the built-in fan safely pulls them into a trap. This way the bugs are going after the trap’s CO2 and not yours. Save yours for balloon animals.
OK, so your neighbor just pulled up with a new Porsche 911 Carrera, and while you can’t afford such a car, you need to answer his move. Hey, get a Porsche of your own! Specifically, the Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grill (starting at $8,600). Made in conjunction with Porsche (yes, the Porsche), this grill boasts programmable LCD infrared burners, a built-in rotisserie, rechargeable batteries, and a counterbalanced hood. He may not immediately be jealous when you tell him the news, but when the odoriferous essence of those baby backs waft over into his yard, expect him to start talking trade.