Kor Nava: The Next Best Use Of Coconut Shells

The case against bottled water is Hulk-strong. From paying $3 for something that falls from the sky, to the fact that stuff like Dasani is nothing but tap water, there are more reasons to bail on bottled water than Saw sequels. The makers of the Kor Nava ($30) claim they’ve created the absolute best way to forge your own path to fresh H2o. The bottle’s built-in filter is made out of coconut shells that are converted into activated carbon to purify the water. The push-button cap keeps dirt, germs, and most varieties of electric eels away from the drinking spout. This may be the second best use of coconut shells ever. This is obviously the best.

Grizzly Robotic Utility Vehicle: Doesn’t Slice Ham, But…

Before scientists invent a robot that exists only to tie our sneakers and slice ham, they’re probably gonna invent a lot of, ya know, actually useful robots. The Grizzly Robot Utility Vehicle is indeed one of those, with its focus on military, mining, and agricultural tasks. An 80-horsepower electric motor is at the core of the machine, and with its drivetrain able to create the force to pull 1,400 pounds, your days of lugging Aunt Cathy out of the pool may be numbered. You can even use a Samsung Galaxy S3 to control it (the Grizzly, not Cathy).

Lansky T.A.S.K. Apocalypse Survival Kit: Prepares You For The Walking Or Nagging Dead

How would you rather go: quickly getting mauled to death by a face-eating zombie, or getting slowly nagged to death by your overprotective mother? Tough call, I know. But the T.A.S.K. (Tactical Apocalypse Survival Kit- $200) is great because it prepares you for both nightmarish scenarios. The flexible and durable backpack pops open in a jiffy to reveal a Multi Use Battle Axe, 20 Function Multi-Tool, Easy-Grip Knife, and more. You even get a LifeStraw, which filters dangerous bacteria and protozoa, letting you drink directly from a lake or river.

Gerber Daily Carry Tools: Way Better Than Strained Peas

When I heard that Gerber had a new set of small, lightweight tools, I naturally assumed they were being aimed at the growing number of infants who both need and deserve functioning screwdrivers. Yeah, turns out this is a different Gerber. But that doesn’t mean the tools are any less impressive. Choose from a selection of blades, combination bottle opener/LED lights, and more, each weighing in at just an ounce, or the equivalent of two tablespoons of pureed peas & carrots.

Fold Away Harp Toolkit

Forcing your kid to take harp lessons sounds like the kinda thing that the Department of Social Services will have your ass in a cell for. Luckily this Fold Away Harp Tool Kit ($45) is 100% incapable of creating music. This pocket-sized package contains eight stainless steel instruments (none of which can hold a tune) that fold out and lock in place. From the Phillips head screwdriver to the saw and corkscrew, giving this handy tool to your child may not be fully advisable, but it’s still safer than a full-sized harp.

INADAYS InaTrap Insect Killer

Human rights? Of course. Animal rights? Sure. Insect rights? F**k ’em. It’s all about piling up as massive a mosquito body count as you can when it comes to defending your body and home against these hideous winged bloodsucking beasts. The InaTrap Insect Killer from INADAYS ($90) may be the best way to do it. It uses an LED light and a photo-catalyst reaction to produce minute levels of carbon dioxide to attract the bugs, while the built-in fan safely pulls them into a trap. This way the bugs are going after the trap’s CO2 and not yours. Save yours for balloon animals.

Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grills

OK, so your neighbor just pulled up with a new Porsche 911 Carrera, and while you can’t afford such a car, you need to answer his move. Hey, get a Porsche of your own! Specifically, the Grand Hall X-Series Infrared Grill (starting at $8,600). Made in conjunction with Porsche (yes, the Porsche), this grill boasts programmable LCD infrared burners, a built-in rotisserie, rechargeable batteries, and a counterbalanced hood. He may not immediately be jealous when you tell him the news, but when the odoriferous essence of those baby backs waft over into his yard, expect him to start talking trade.

Bushnell PowerSync Portable Power Line

A few days in the great outdoors no longer means a few days without electricity. I mean, it could, but come on… who’s gonna sign up for that? Instead, sign up for something from the Bushnell PowerSync Portable Power line. With lightweight solar and battery-powered portable charging devices, your fears of a dead phone will fly away like that endangered bird you atrociously threw a rock at. And hey, nothing makes a camping trip more memorable than um, uh, Words with Friends by the campfire?