Kobe Red: Beer-Fed Jerky Tastes Like Victory

Move over pork rinds, there’s a new Manliest Snack in Town. Kobe Red ($7 and up) is jerky made from organic Japanese Kobe beef, considered perhaps the finest in the world. But the real rub here is that these Kobe cows are all beer fed. That’s right, while you’re drinking Mr. Pibb, these cows are chugging Heineken (we use that term and brand loosely here; could also be PBR). The result is chilled out cattle, and chilled out cattle are usually pretty cool with being turned into succulent strips of jerky. Try the Brown Sugar-Lemongrass.

Air: Clear, Carbonated Malt Beverage

No matter how fit you are, your health kick usually takes a time out when you hit the bar. Beer and mixed drinks are often loaded with empty carbs and calories, so that’s what makes Air so intriguing. It’s simply carbonated water and alcohol. That’s it. No fruity flavor, no essence of yeast (thankfully), nada. At 95 calories, you may even be tempted to use Air as a sports drink alternative. Don’t. Just don’t.

Perfect Prizes for the Primary Politicians

Super Tuesday 2012, the Super Bowl of the Republican Primary, hits today. Watch the candidates outdo each other as they tell us which bold new programs and promises they’ll ultimately fail to implement if elected. Who will fail us the least? Now’s the time to choose.

In honor of the combatants, we’ve assembled the perfect prize for each candidate to take home should they win. Delegates? We fart on your delegates. This is the real competition, my friend. Click through to read So Freaking Cool’s “Perfect Prizes for the Primary Politicians”.

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Cards Against Humanity

Cards Against Humanity gets off to a nice start with its chuckle-worthy name, and it just gets better from there. Billing itself as a “party game for horrible people,” it obviously found its way to our doorstep. For $25 you get a deck of black cards and white cards. The “Card Czar” reads a black card which contains a question like “What never fails to liven up the party?” and each player submits a white card with the answer they think is the funniest, like “Doin it in the butt” or “Panda sex.” NOTE: We do not share the views of the game maker when it comes to panda sex. We realize this is a vital, romantic part of the necessary reproductive cycle for these rare, gentle, and surprisingly horny creatures.

Duff Beer

With The Simpsons about to air its 500th episode this Sunday, you’re gonna need a fitting way to celebrate. Here it is: Get totally trashed with a case of Duff Beer! Why not make a whole themed weekend out of it? Bag up some donuts, rent a seedy motel room in one of the many Springfields throughout the US, and pay homage to Homer & crew with his favorite brew. 24.99 euros gets you a 24-can slab of this probably tepid tasting German lager. Don’t forget to leave one for housekeeping.