Ditch your penny farthing and weave through the city or countryside on the Artisan by Primarius. Every piece of the Primarius Artisan ($4000) is authentic, customized and handmade, giving the bike character and status beyond your average ten speed. The cognac-colored Brooks saddle sets off the royal blue lacquered, steel and aluminum frame. With its vintage look and feel, you’ll be ironically crowned ‘king of hipsters’ to an audience of nonchalant twenty-somethings. Still not convinced that you need this bike? All right, time to bring out the big guns. And by big guns, I mean a monkey riding a bicycle.