Perfect Prizes for the Primary Politicians

Super Tuesday 2012, the Super Bowl of the Republican Primary, hits today. Watch the candidates outdo each other as they tell us which bold new programs and promises they’ll ultimately fail to implement if elected. Who will fail us the least? Now’s the time to choose.

In honor of the combatants, we’ve assembled the perfect prize for each candidate to take home should they win. Delegates? We fart on your delegates. This is the real competition, my friend. Click through to read So Freaking Cool’s “Perfect Prizes for the Primary Politicians”.

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Swash 1000 Bidet Toilet Seat

Tom Brady enjoys having fresh and clean buttocks, so should you. While the Pats QB recently impressed his WR Wes Welker with a bidet in his home, you too can achieve cute glutes with the Swash 1000 ($600). This fine piece of equipment gets attached to your toilet and provides a “refreshing” spray of water in just the right spot – OK, it’s your anus – along with warm air to dry things out and temperature controls. Keep in mind though, the no-slam seat means no matter how excited you are after dropping the browns off at the super bowl, you won’t be able to spike the lid in celebration.