Nintendo 64 Cartridge Soaps

When you’re not in a prison shower, bar soap is great. It’s manly. It’s rectangular. And since it is soap, it’s never dirty. But, when you finally wear that bar down to just a sliver, things get real dicey. STACK Infinity Bar Soap ($12.56 for a pack of 6) is specifically designed to avoid the pitfalls of tiny, slippery soap by letting you stack your little sliver on top of the next fresh bar. A specially shaped groove and grippy, raised lettering form the perfect soapy union. Coming soon to a jail near you?

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Every morning (or night) when you shower, remind yourself of the good ol’ days. Take a bar of a Nintendo 64 Cartridge Soap ($17) in your hands, close your eyes and think back to the times of Mario Kart, The Legend of Zelda and Donkey Kong 64. All those afternoons with no pressure, no responsibilities, just you, the mushrooms and an oversized gorilla throwing barrels. Then, your girlfriend interrupts you mid-dream: “Why are you fondling that soap?” Uhh, nothing, nothing at all.

Midweek Refill, 10.29.13

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Mass Effect N7 Ambassador Watch

There’s time and then there’s Mass Effect time. And then there’s also time to play Mass Effect, but stay focused… this is about Mass Effect time, which is awesomely any time when wearing the Mass Effect N7 Ambassador Watch ($500). Manufactured by Meister Watches, this Commander Sheppard-worthy timekeeper features a black stainless steel bezel and band that’s resistant to corrosion and staining; laser-etched backcase with N7 and Mass Effect Logos; and it’s all water-resistant up to 100 meters. Is Mass Effect time better than say, Central time? Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?

Super Mario Cutting Board

It’s-a me, Mario…Cutting Board($110)! Please-a don’t chop-a my face! I-a seriously can’t-a stop-a typing like-a-this, please-a help-a me! The Mario Cutting Board is engrained with an 8-Bit representation of your favorite Italian plumber. No, not Luigi, everyone hates Luigi. This custom built cutting board is 3/4 of an thick and made of solid wood grain, so go ahead and smash any spare Question Blocks you have lying around while (probably drunkenly) humming the Super Mario theme song. And when you tire of your Mario Cutting Board, use him as kindling for your Pixelated Fireplace. Warning: chopping mushrooms on this board may or may not cause spontaneous and violent cutting board growth.

NES Controller Coffee Table

As talk turns to PS4s, Xbox 720s, and ColecoVision 2s (lord willing), now’s a good time to stop and remember our ancestors–with a giant NES controller coffee table ($3,500). Master craftsman Charles Lushear put his heart and soul into this thing, and it even functions as an actual Nintendo controller. Maple, mahogany, and walnut are the materials, but there’s no way it could’ve been built without the most important material of all: love. Awwwwww.

Hasbro Lazer Tag for iPhone/iPod

Save yourself $8 and the unavoidable shame of being a grown man in a laser tag arcade with Hasbro’s new NERF Lazer Tag system. Pair your gun ($40 each, set of two for $70) with an iPhone or iPod Touch and you’re ready to play. Enjoy the slick HUD view, showing your gear and power level, and even the trajectory of your last blast. Like all good addictive games, there’s ample leveling up to be had, with new attacks and gear just waiting to be unlocked. Those 4th graders won’t know what hit ’em.

Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary

Since you first played and mastered the game, Halo, you’ve probably gotten a few more grays, a couple of crow’s feet, and what once was a six pack is now a bowl full of jelly. A lot has changed since the good ole’ days, but much of the Halo game remains the same. To celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the game, Microsoft releases Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary for the Xbox. For the most part, the game (priced at $39.99) is almost identical. The storyline, the voices, the game physics, and the Covenant are all still there. But now, you can play it on the Xbox 360 for the first time with, of course, majorly updated graphics. You can even switch between the old and new versions for kicks with the simple press of a button. Thankfully, the controls are the same, so playing the new and improved Halo will be just like riding your old bike (but without the questionable ribbons, the cheesy bell, and the ET basket).

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Collector’s Edition

True PS3 pundits know that “Snaaaake!” has now been replaced by “Draaaaake!” Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception is the latest chapter in the thrilling action-adventure series following fortune hunter Nathan Drake as he spans the globe looking for serious coinage. The Collector’s Edition does more than just give you the game, though. For $99.99 you also get exclusive steelbook packaging; a wearable replica of Drake’s buckle and ring with necklace strap; traveling chest packaging; and a Drake statue. You’ll get 10 hours or so out of the game’s superb single player campaign, but there’s also multiplayer and new co-op adventures. How many hours of fun you get from that statue, well, that’s up to you.