Pocket Artillery Mini Cannon

Thankfully unrelated to Nick Cannon–I’m sorry, Mr. Carey–the Pocket Artillery Mini Cannon ($29) holds its own as a neat little keepsake, but it turns from cute trinket to Lego-town-destroyer once you light the fuse. Yes, this little cannon shoots actual BBs, and BBs hurt (skin and feelings). Because of that fact, we’re gonna go ahead and whip out the rarely used “adult supervision advised” cliché here.

OPMOD Battle Mug

When your coffee must be terminated with extreme prejudice, equip the OPMOD BattleMug ($250) for tactical java takedown. The BattleMug includes an AR-15 handle and three military spec rails, allowing quick attachment of gun accoutrement for god knows what reason. Celebrate your 2nd Amendment rights in the comfort of your local coffee shop, definitely the locale most in need of a looming threat of gun violence. The patrons there will never finish their movie scripts without the proper motivation. Who’s to say staring down the barrel of a fully customized BattleMug isn’t what they needed for a breakthrough?  That’s…probably the story you should stick to when the authorities arrive.