Whiskey Cologne: Now This Makes Scents

Let’s check the stats: Studies show when men reek of whiskey at 2am, their chances of snagging hot chick digits at the bar dwindle down to 3.2%. But what about when men enter the bar at 11pm while intentionally wearing the aromatic essence of whiskey? Well, we’re about to find out. Commodity has created a little catalog of offbeat scents, including yes, whiskey cologne. The startup is also touting something called “scent tailoring” which encourages customers to find the “scent profile” that fits their style. Let’s hope the “Old Naked Guy in Gym Locker Room” profile is never discovered.

Bacon Scented Soap: Just Don’t Eat Your Hands

I don’t recall being asked if I wanted my soap to smell like an Irish spring or a dove, but that’s the crap that’s been foisted on us for decades. But now there’s finally an alternative: bacon scented soap from Man Hands ($5.95). There are other varieties, including cash, cannabis, and baseball glove, but this, this 3 oz. bar of betterment will leave you clean and most importantly, your hands and face will reek of bacon. The women will never know what hit ’em.

Allsorts Liquor Scented Soap Bars

Introducing the Allsorts Liquor Scented Soap Bar. The only organic vegan soap that will have you smelling like you just came from the bar. Fragrances include whiskey sour, gin and tonic and spiced rum. Each bar will set you back $5 but that’s a small price to pay for the constant flood of women coming up to you and asking where the party is at*.

*Finger pointing to pants not included.

Unisex Bacon Cologne

The bacon cologne. A unisex fragrance for both men and women. But mostly for men. To attract other men. And women who really love bacon. Two versions are for sale. Both of which are said to feature only a hint of bacon. Whereas the Bacon Classic has a spicy maple scent, the Bacon Gold has a sizzling citrus aroma. All in all, these fragrances are sure to make the opposite sex go “nom nom nom.”