Hack Your Sleep With This New Invention

Computers and robots will take over the world. It’s a certainty. Heck, they can evenĀ learn from their experiences now. The markers on the path towards robot domination are little inventions like Withings Aura ($299). This device measures and optimizes the users’ sleep patterns. It’ll decide the best time to wake up in a sleep cycle, record heart rates, movements and breathing patterns and feed it back to a smartphone. And then upload it to the great robot overlords in the sky.

There’s two parts to the Aura, a small pad you slip underneath a pillow and a lamp. The pad measures biological input such as heart rates, breathing, etc., mentioned before. The lamp checks the room for temperature, noise and light. It also emits a red glow to help you sleep, a blue one to help you wake and a green light for when the girlfriend feels frisky tonight. They left out the option where it can broadcast your boss’ monotonous voice. “Time to get up, Worker #2132”. *Attach brain wave connector to slot in neck and begin work day 29,332*