In two days, the worlds of breakfast and alcohol will collide as Pinnacle Vodka releases Cinnabon Vodka. That’s right, “the decadent flavors of cinnamon, brown sugar and rich cream cheese frosting with hints of caramel” get shoved into a bottle of water and ethanol. Each sip might be twice the calories, but that just means twice the fun.
Any day now Bruce Springsteen is gonna totally write a song about the (partial) shutdown of the Sriracha plant and the plight of its workers– “Times are hard, my future’s lookin’ dicey, Mary Jo’s wonderin’ if we’ll ever make eggs spi-cy (again)”… Better stock up now on all things Sriracha, including this UV Sriracha Vodka ($12). Infused with a zesty mix of chili peppers, garlic and Sri magic, this tonic can surely give your next Bloody Mary a real kick– and a reason for Mary Jo to forge on.
Now this is how you elevate the whole BYOB thing. Suitcase maker Tumi and the booze wizards at Ketel One have combined forces to create the Tumi x Ketel One Mixology set, a mobile vodka bar that’s wrapped in ballistic nylon. It features everything you need to make a Martini, including two bottles of Ketel One Vodka. I imagine they went with ballistic nylon to support the bevy of drunk girls who will surely climb on top of this thing once they’ve had a couple of cosmos.
Swiggin’ stiff liquor out the bottle too mundane for ya, daredevil? Spice things up with Instant Regret Vodka ($47.69). Described as “offensively and painfully hot,” each sip delivers 100,000 Scovilles (think Habanero chili) to your absolutely stunned taste buds. Keep children, pets, and anyone a shade wimpier than John McClane away from this stuff.
Damn it! June 1st was National Donut Day and we totally forgot to celebrate it. Oh well… might as well drown our sorrows in Vodka 360’s new flavor, 360 Glazed Donut. While the typical donut usually only packs 50 proof (55 with rainbow sprinkles), Glazed Donut vodka clocks in at 70 proof, allowing you to get drunk off this stuff much faster than you would with say, a dozen Boston Creams. If you need a donut and coffee to start your morning but you’re watching your weight, a little spike in your joe might be the way to go.
I sat in my office, a hazy blanket of smoke from my cigarettes enveloped the ceiling as I listlessly shuffled my PI files. She walked, or rather rolled into my office like a rolling pin or something. She said her name was Cherry Noir, but I didn’t care. Women are nothing but trouble, and they’re also not very good at spatial reasoning. She had the body of a vodka bottle shaped angel: sexy, cylindrical, with a thin seductive neck and translucent skin. And a cork for a head. She leaned in. She tasted like cherries and fire. I was drunk on passion, and also Grey Goose vodka. Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka. This dame was gonna get me killed…if I decided to operate any heavy machinery.
Here’s one way to curb a drinking problem: Infuse your vodka with the hottest chilli pepper on the planet. Measuring 100,000 on the Scoville scale (jalapenos are about 5,000, for example), the Naga Jolokia pepper is the wicked bastard that’s blended with vodka in the Naga Chilli Vodka ($50), Master of Malt’s latest deathtrap of a drink. Each Scoville unit denotes how many times the chilli must be diluted by its own mass of water until the heat is only just detectable, so at 100,000, um, yeah, prepare to drink a lake. They even warn against drinking this as a shot, urging you to just throw a splash into a cocktail or maybe onto a bonfire that’s about to fade out.
When does a party become a party? When beer pong commences? When someone loses an eye during the darts game? When it gets hot in herr and people take off all their clothes? Perhaps that was the case back in the day. But now, a party isn’t a party until someone brings the flavored Absolut vodka. Absolut has a tendency to introduce limited edition flavors turned permanent shelf fixtures, and their 15th variety flavor, Gräpevine, is no exception. You got a glimpse of this now permanent limited edition flavor a while back that combines the natural flavors of grape, dragonfruit & papaya. This versatile mixing ingredient will launch in the US first, then globally in select markets.