Future Forward

Introducing Future Forward. Ideas yet to hit the marketplace, stewing in someone’s mind or lab somewhere. When they hit though, they’ll make our lives a little better or slightly more swagworthy. And we know everyone can use more swagginess.

This week, beer and cars. Is there really anything else better in life? Just don’t mix the two. Don’t drink and drive. Especially if you have a really expensive car.

1. Hangover Free Beer

Who doesn’t want to get plastered without next morning repercussions? Certainly not some scientists in Australia, currently working on hangover free beer. By adding electrolytes, they’ve concocted beer that both hydrates and maintains the pleasant qualities of beer, i.e. beer goggles and regretful decisions. According to the folks at Griffith University’s Health Institute, the electrolytes mean you can even drink beer after a workout to replenish lost liquid.

ABT Audi R8 V10: 3.5 Seconds To 62 MPH

How fast do you need to get to 62 miles per hour? I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life, but if it’s faster than 3.5 seconds, maybe space travel is more your thing. The ABT Audi R8 V10 will certainly prep you for a life with NASA, thanks to its 5.2-liter V10 engine and 600 horses. New carbon fiber on the body has brought down the weight of the vehicle, and yet you still get these massive 19-inch alloy wheels to roll on. Though does one really “roll” to 62 mph in 3.5 seconds? 

2013 Audi S3 Sportback: August Would Be Proud

Besides having a dope name, German engineer August Horch also founded the company that would become Audi in 1909. His dreams of creating a five-door, all-wheel drive hatchback with 300 horsepow–OK, honestly that wasn’t his dream. His dream was to bone Fay Wray in a gorilla suit, but this isn’t the forum for that. It is the forum though to mention that the above specs and more can be found in Audi’s new S3 Sportback. The turbocharged 2.0-liter TFSI engine takes it from 0 to 62 mph in just 5.0 seconds.  August, if he were still alive, would also dig the S3’s reported fuel ratings of 34 miles per gallon. He was kinky like that.

2014 Audi RS 7: Key Grip

We’ve seen it roll up during the credits for years, but somehow it’s impossible to remember what a key grip does on a movie set. We do know however that the 2014 Audi RS 7 Sportback will have some key grip of its own with Audi’s signature Quattro all-wheel-drive system. Combine that road-hugging with a 4.0-liter twin-turbo V-8 and you’ve got the makings of a serious performer. How serious? 553 horsepower serious. Holy best boy!

Audi RS6 Avant

Imagine you had a nice quick sedan–but you also had NBA (faded) star Vince Carter riding shotgun in it. It might not be as nimble, right? Well the Audi RS6 Avant has basically thrown Vinsanity out of the car, as this year’s model has shed 220 lbs, allowing it to now go from 0-62 mph in just 3.9 seconds with a top speed of 189 mph. Speaking of Vince, I’m gonna go ahead and say his top 10 dunks are better than MJ’s 10 best.

2012 Audi R8 Exclusive Selection Edition

Audi’s just plain teasing us now with their 2012 R8 Exclusive Selection Edition ($127,700/$161,500). We’re classifying it as teasing for a host of reasons, starting with the special Daytona Gray matte paint, carbon fiber exterior splitter and diffuser, and V8 or V10 models which produce 430 or 525 horsepower, respectively. But it’s also a tease because there are only 50 of these delights being made. We haven’t seen this much teasing since Bon Jovi visited Supercuts.

Audi R8 V10 Plus

Audi’s newly announced 2013 Audi R8 V10 Plus ($210,000) is expected to deliver more power and poise than pre-2012 Albert Pujols in a tutu. This 550-horsepower stud will do 0 to 62 mph in 3.5 seconds with a top speed of almost 197 mph. Featuring a new seven-speed S tronic transmission, Audi says you’ll get about 18 miles to the gallon with the R8 V10 Plus. But being concerned about gas mileage here is like wondering whether Pujols can steal you 30 bases–besides stealing $254 million from the Angels.

Audi e-bike Wörthersee

Adding e to the front of words makes anything sound futuristic. Who wants boring old regular mail when you can have e-mail? Bays are fine, but e-bays make us tingly. A bike is just a bike, but an e-bike? The Audi E-Bike is the cybernetic bicycle upgrade we’ve all been waiting for. The e-bike is powered by electric whirly motors and power ratios, all of which are  interfaced with a touchscreen for reasons unknown (secret robot war is our first guess). Audi’s cyberbike weighs in at a cool 46 pounds, and contains “ultra-blade” wheels, making a looming robot revolution that much more menacing. This sexual bike beast will be unveiled at the 2012 Wörthersee tour in Austria, which will most likely become ground zero for the robotic uprising after this bike hacks into Europe’s nuclear launch codes.