Remember bringing a flask to work and hiding in the bathroom to down it? Oh what, that’s just me? Whatever. Now you can leave the flask at home and bring these Beer & Wine Lollipops instead. Lollyphile gives you 6 flavors to choose from: Cabernet Sauvignon, IPA, Lager, Merlot, Chardonnay and Stout Beers. Stash a handful in your desk drawer and pull one out whenever that cubicle mate next to you starts chit-chatting too much.
Jelly Belly just added a Hefeweizen-inspired ale flavor to their lineup. The new flavor took three years to develop. One particular challenge was developing a flavor that would eliminate the bitterness of beer.
They also made a chocolate-covered Tabasco flavor. This sounds like a good contrast between sweet and spicy. Hopefully, they’ll produce a sriracha flavor one day.
For too long, women have dominated the sexy accessory market, what with their fancy lingerie and the like. Well move over ladies–we’ve got chocolate dick hats! Yes, these little caps made from real chocolate fit right on the tip of your schlong (do people still say that?), providing your significant other with a delightfully sweet surprise. Choose from the viking helmet or cowboy hat. You’ll show her who’s spontaneous!
What a tragedy. See, I had a feeling Heisenberg “Blue Glass” Rock Candy ($10 for a two pack) was meant to resemble crystal meth, but I wasn’t sure. So I started doing research to see what the illegal and very dangerous drug actually looks like. Well, one thing leads to another and whammo! I’m now addicted to methamphetamine. Grrreat. Anyways, the above harmless treat has the luscious taste of cotton candy, and it comes in a biodegradable little baggie–perfect for Breaking Bad fans. But crystal meth? Not perfect for my job as a heavy machinery operator.
Gummi bears are a little tired of people confusing their sweetness for weakness, and now they’re doing something about it. Evil Hot Gummi Bears ($8.19) are Habanero pepper-infused and they will bite you harder than you bite them. Stick a few of these in the bin at your local candy shop and wait for the madness to ensue.
The broadening of one’s cultural influences can sometimes happen in unusual places. The other day, after a lovely canaling of our roots, we noticed Dr. Feinstone had some new flavors in his bowl of lollipops. Bypassing staid grape, we went for the Sriracha Lollipop (4 for $10). The Asian hot sauce known for spicing up everything from egg rolls to bowls of pho has now been turned into a beautiful ball of candy on a stick. They’re so good, it’s almost worth making another trip back to the office for a totally unnecessary procedure. But of course we know dentists would never go for that.
What do you do with a 26-pound gummy bear? No doubt about it: If you’re under 16, you eat the whole damn thing while watching a Suite Life of Zack & Cody marathon. If you’re a little older, well, the options are endless. Pay your $149.99 for this sweet beast in cherry, green apple, orange or blue raspberry (our choice), and you can even serve diabetes medicine right in the center of this sucker’s hollowed-out belly. 32,000 calories never tasted so sticky.
Giving a new – and certainly less crass – meaning to the phrase “hot as balls,” these Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls ($7.99) promise to alienate a friend or two who unwisely accepts your fiery gift. With a heat rating over 1 million SHU (we’re not sure what that means exactly, but a million of anything is a lot, right?) these chili powder stuffed and dusted A-bombs are sure to set your tonsils ablaze. They’re so hot, they even warn you to wash your hands after touching them. At least they promote good hygiene.