Solid Gold iPhone 5s: Can You See Me Now?

How does one stand out in a sea of similar S4s and identical iPhones? You go for the gold. Goldgenie’s solid gold iPhone 5s ($3,289) is made from pure 24-karat gold and that will definitely get Siri jealous, so watch out for that. You can also choose from platinum or rose gold, and each phone is unlocked and comes in an elegant box Cherry Oak finish box. It’s not the absolute greatest use of solid gold we’ve ever seen, but it’s damn close.

Blow Up Traffic App: Virtual Road Rage

Odds are you don’t commute to work with an RPG in the passenger’s seat, ready to take aim at the first jerkbag that cuts you off. So let the Blow Up Traffic app ($.99 on iTunes) do the dirty work for you. Mount your phone to the windshield, locate the offending motorist, then yell “Fire!’ like a madman to take their vehicle down (virtually) and see the (virtual) gunfire and (also virtual) explosion on your screen. This sounds way better than a stress ball.

Apple iPhone 5C: Breaking The Color Barrier

Some guy somewhere has probably been saying for the last 7 years, “I don’t care! I’m not buying an iPhone until they offer it in pink!” Well stand-your-ground guy, Apple’s ready for you now. The iPhone 5C is the step-down version of the flagship iPhone 5S. It’ll come in white, green, blue, pink, and yellow, with the 16GB model running just $99. The front-facing FaceTime camera has been improved, the battery is a little bigger, and again, pink is an option.

Thunderspace App: Make It Rain

The Thuderspace app promises to immerse you in a stereoscopic 3D world of thunderstorm audio. Wife nagging you a bit? Make it rain (in your ears)! Thanks to special stereo microphones, the recorded sounds are on some next-level stuff, designed to represent the utmost in realism and prep you for hours of nature-themed relaxation. Throw in some realistic lightning flashes and you really have no reason to ever play in the rain again.

Automatic Driving Assistant App: Learn Your Car Somethin` Good

Ever encourage your car to read the classics? They never listen, do they? `I`m telling you, Ford Fiesta, you would LOVE `Of Mice and Men!` Point is, automobiles aren`t smart–even when they apply themselves. So think of Automatic ($70), a very thorough driving assistant app/piece of hardware, as the equivalent of Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds; the odds are against it, but somehow this teacher is gonna prevail. Your vehicle`s built-in computer data morphs with Google Maps and current gas price info to churn out a bevy of useful stats, covering all things fuel usage and even handling engine alerts. The device can also sense a crash and then alert the nearest emergency responder to your location. I suppose that`s more useful than a car that knows its multiplication tables.

Rhino Shield: Probably Better Than An Actual Rhino

Convincing an actual rhinoceros to stand guard over your smartphone seems… well, kinda asinine. But using Rhino Shield seems downright sensible. The custom formulated polymer offers extraordinary impact absorption and excellent transparency when simply placed over your screen. Of course, all your touch-based capabilities remain fully intact, but now you have a smudge-and-scratch resistant coating to protect your pride and joy–and no testy, horny beasts lumbering by your side all day.

Capture App Chimpifies Video Editing/Uploading

The apes from the Planet of the Apes knew how to tear down the ::spoiler alert:: Statue of Liberty, but did they take any video of it? No. They didn’t because editing and uploading video can be cumbersome and confusing. But Capture, YouTube’s new app for iOS, makes the whole process chimp-friendly. Fire it up and take some quick footage, make your adjustments, and then upload it to YouTube, Google+, Facebook, or Twitter. It’s kinda like Instagram for video. Ah, Instagram–another invention those damn dirty apes never could master.

IRIS 9000 Voice Control Module for iPhone & Siri

Some people say Star Wars is the greatest Sci-Fi film ever, some say Blade Runner, others say Alien. NO ONE SAYS BATTLEFIELD EARTH! How do we know? Because the whole movie is just sitting there for free on YouTube. Anyways, the other movie that people revere as perhaps one of the greatest ever in the genre is 2001: A Space Odyssey. If you’re an iPhone user and a fan of the flick, you need this IRIS 9000 Voice Control Module ($60). Besides being a dead ringer for HAL 9000, it also gives you some room between you and your phone while still letting you boss Siri around.