adidas Brazuca: World Cup Kicker

Here it is, Brazuca, the official match ball of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. Adidas has put a lot of TLC into this one (like nearly three years worth with more than 600 players taking it for a test kick), and they say it delivers superior stability, grip, and even improved aerodynamics. The colors and ribbons are said to reflect the bracelets Brazilians wear, but we favor another outfit often seen on that country’s women. You’re gonna wanna scroll down to #3.

Nike Incyte Ball: Kick It New School

“Soccer ball to the nose” is right up there with “wasp in the shorts” when it comes to unbridled unpleasantness. Nike’s new Incyte Soccer Ball ($150) promises greater visibility so you can avoid such nastiness. Nike RaDaR technology uses a tracking pattern to help you see the ball and react faster, and its textured casing and 5-layer construction are designed to give you better control at first touch—of the ball, not the wasp. Try not to touch them.

adidas Smart Ball: Bend It Less Like Posh Spice

If you’ve always envied the amount of stats that baseball fans get to pour over, yet you fancy yourself more of a soccer guy, the adidas Smart Ball should be on your radar. Using a sensor at the core, the ball is able to analyze its precise flight characteristics once it goes past 10 meters. Speed, spin, bend, trajectory of the flight, and more will be relayed to your iPhone app. There’s also a training mode that promises to get you bending it more like David Beckham and less like Victoria.

SOCCKET: From Futbol To Footfuel

If you thought the Hot Pocket was a great invention, wait till you see the SOCCKET ($89). Not only does it kinda rhyme with Hot Pocket but it’s also a soccer ball that generates energy as you play with it. Yes! There’s a small pendulum inside each ball that harnesses the energy by turning a generator (this guide will be helpful) connected to a rechargeable battery. Play with the ball for 30 minutes and you’ll have enough power to fuel three hours of light. Plus each SOCCKET comes with an LED lamp and the ball never needs to be inflated. Of course there is that new limited edition chili sauce cheese dog Hot Pocket. Hmmm… tough call.

Nike GS Football Boot

Nothing gets the mouth salivating like an oversized bowl of beans; Pinto, preferably. But now beans are being used for a new and amazing purpose: soccer shoes. The Nike  Football Boot ($300), is made mostly of renewable castor beans, keeping the shoe very light and ostensibly delicious in a casserole. The environmental goodness continues with the shoe’s quarter, which is made from 95% recycled plastic bottles. Nike is only making 2,012 pairs, because let’s face it, beans taste too damn good to use ’em all up on footwear.

Umbro Speciali 92 Lifestyle Collection

To celebrate 20 years of the iconic football boot, the Speciali, Umbro has launched the limited edition lifestyle capsule collection, Speciali 92. This five-piece leather collection includes the Anthem Jacket, which combines two iconic pieces of sportswear and features a digital print of special Speciali moments in time. The collection also includes the Milton lifestyle shoe, the Speciali ’92 Pro Boot, a soft leather weekend bag and a leather ball. All are available in limited quantities only…like, very limited quantities. So take your hand outta your pants Al Bundy, put down the remote, and get up off the couch. Get your Umbro Speciali 92 Lifestyle Collection for yourself, for dad, or for grampy, before it goes bye-bye.