“I mean listen, we talkin’ bout laces. Not a game, not a game, not a game. We talkin’ bout laces. Not a game, not a, not a, not the game that I go out there and die for, and play every game like it’s my last. Not the game. We talkin’ bout laces, man. I mean how silly is that? We talkin’ bout laces.”

That’s how Allen Iverson would address these Gucci White Slip-On Sneakers ($495). Lace-free and distraction-free. Just shove that giant hoof inside and understand what $495 of blue snakeskin feels like. I imagine it feels like warm butter on your feet.